Days With Baby

And oh how the corridors are brightly lit. Oh how my eyes carry 
weights and my arms carry child. The magical place this is, beaming with
hard work and the cartons of patience one must have. I’m in it. I am in these corridors for the long run, carrying as many cartons as I can, beaming through tired eyes and unwashed hair.


Things I Miss about Thailand

I go back home at least once  every year and a half.
While there it doesn’t take long before I begin missing the lifestyle
that Thailand offers me. Often times  my brain will feel on the
outside of everyones. Thailand is a big part of my life now and so it
is one more thing that people cannot relate with if they haven’t been.
Two years ago I had begun to say that I would not be able to marry or
be with someone forever if they hadn’t experienced Thailand. It’s just
too large a part of me for it to go by.
When I come back to Ontario it doesn’t take any time to adjust, but
miss begins popping up only a few weeks in.
The miss will never be as strong as my miss for Canadian life but it
still develops in its own way.

I will miss the markets and the restaurants. How so much is done
outside in the open air.
I will miss the ultimate slow pace of life. How noone seems to be in a
rush and how time doesn’t matter. ( all though this has its downsides)
The bag of mango or pineapple I can get from a street vendor at any
point during the day. Roughly 75 cents.
The food stalls and there wonderful spicy smelling dishes. The ice
coffees for 75cents as well. Even the dollar beer.

I will miss the attention I recieve because i am a white blonde.
Even though there are many days I wish I could blend in, it becomes
something I miss when away from it.

Im not sure I will miss seeing 711s every 500 feet but I will miss
their distinct smell inside and the five cent water they sell.

There are people and things that are in the same spot every night. I
will miss how I know that they will be there. I will miss seeing them.
There is something about being that familiar with a city that is not
your own.  This city will never be mine but it is pleasent to have
predictable occurances.

I am okay with missing either way, (Thailand or Canada)  because to
me, miss accounts for something. Miss tells me I love.
Miss provokes genuine hope and broadens my perspective. It helps me to
dive deep when I am with people that I know I will miss.
It is a reflection of who I am.
I miss that meal because I always ate it with my boyfriend.I miss the
ice coffees because it reminds me of a time period in my life where I
walked for hours around the city. Exploring. Adventuring.

I love that I miss.

Sometimes it hurts real bad,
but I will still continue to do so

because missing accounts for something.

Things I Miss About Canada

People rarely stop to think about the simple things in life and what
it would be like to go without them. I’m apart of those people and it
wasn’t until it happened to me, did I stop to admire the simplistic
ways of my life.

I’ve lived abroad for the last four years and I can tell you that
Honey Nut Cheerio dreams frequent my sleep. I can tell you that the
smell of fresh-cut grass is something I stop for and that a job well
done is beyond rarity.

I have cravings continually, of all different kinds of western food.
Foods that were so normal to have. Like pickles, hash browns..
or a good hamburger.
China makes the best Chinese food, America and Canada are
experts in their western cuisine. Thailand do Thai best.
So it is no surprise that when all these countries attempt to
make another cultures dish, it just isn’t as good.
McDonald’s really isn’t what I know it as. Subway doesn’t have the
right tomatoes and pizza huts sauce just isn’t how I remember it.

Along with the food I crave, there are simple ways I long for.

I miss driving with a certainty, with the natural trust in others on
the road around me. Here, drivers are so unpredictable that even
the ‘dumbest’ of moves is likely to happen. Every single time.

When dining out, servers will hand you menus and proceed to stand by
the table, pen and notepad in hand.
I miss being able to feel free to take my time while ordering.

When I go to a Home store I miss being able to believe what the
employee says about whether or not the faucet will fit in properly.

I miss the perfect telephone wires and straight poles. The sewer
gratings that are aligned with the roads surface. I miss sidewalks and
the stop signs that people actually stop at. I miss even, the police.
The police that won’t ask if I have a boyfriend when they stop me.
Police that won’t make traffic worse by trying to direct it.

Sometimes my eyes long for clean streets and buildings. Ones that
aren’t plastered with colourful signs, posters and Nescafe ‘

Seeing homeless dogs is normal. So is seeing prostitutes. My eyelashes
don’t even bat anymore.

I miss hair salons that have my colour. I miss being able to tell the
hairdresser exactly what i want and to get it.

Oh if only people here could admit when they don’t know where
Starbucks is. Instead of pointing me in the wrong direction because
they want to save face.

Parks. And all their greenery. Slides and swings. My bones burn for

Dishwashers and smiles. Houses without barred windows and metal
gates. Riding in cars with the windows down.
These all add to the missage pile.

There are plenty more things I miss and crave while away from Canada.
And I understand that whenever I return, there will be things I miss
and crave about Thailand.

These things are simple parts of everyday life. Things I didn’t
think twice about not having.
It’s made me appreciate more, the smaller things.. It’s made me see
how attatched I have got to certain aspects of my life, and made
me more aware of the impact these things have.

And since I have made a post on things I miss about Canada , it is rightly so
that I post one about what I miss about Thailand.


How we Could Be

i think sometimes we underestimate the power of a smile. i think
sometimes we know that we should of smiled.

i think there are a lot of things we do and do not do,
things that irritate us when others do them or dont do.
we do them unknowenly.
this is because we are people.

we should probably hold more doors open and ask more questions.
we should learn to listen better too.because we all know thats partly
how people determine your care.
we should give out more compliments.
we know how they make us feel.

when it comes to our parents,we can always be nicer to them.we can
always be more present with them, our siblings and our relatives.
i think our patience and our understanding could use a little
maintence work every once in awhile-so that we are able to stretch
further and become more tolerable.

we need to learn how to turn to our inner core and get loose in
situations.  to not be so rigid and unbendable. To adapt with good heart.
we need to let others reach us, to connect and relate.
we ought to be more aware and in tune with their struggles; even our
own. to become more knowledgable with people and how they work.
communication is an art able to be bettered.

we should try and be more expressive with how we feel towards others,
towards ourselves. really knowing who we are as an individual is the
biggest part in living a full life. but this is a never ending task.
it is something we should take the paperwork for-everywhere we go.

i think we should take more time to colour in colouring books and play
hide and seek. i think we should climb more trees. To exercise more
often. we should probably eat slower and eat less to.
we could try and figure out the things that make us feel better about
ourselves, and actively do more of that.we could consciously reward
ourselves for the accomplishments we achieve too.
things should probably be more in moderation in our life than they
but not smiles.
smiles are best left unlimited. smiles are like
what water is to trees. smiles soak into peoples souls as it does into
the ground. roots suck up this liquid treat like people suck up the
smirks and the grins. no matter the soil, skin colour or disablility,
water and smiles sow seeds of happiness. where the leaves fall, where
the smiles land, new beauty and new energy are sure to grow.
so within all these things we could do, let a smile be the permenent
backdrop, let it be behind everything we do. if we need to focus on it
and nothing else, do so. it is repetition that will make these
actions ones we don’t think twice about.
it will become our bark and our branches. apart of us in every way.