So many things in the mind!
This won’t be a pretty post I say.
Just a vent experience. Rolling down hills and splashing around in muddy puddles.
In days where I just feel quite a bit alone and not really connected to much. Eating snacks and not quite so much meals and doing plenty of laundry and realizing I’m not even thinking about anything at all.
I try to email people without the expectation that they’ll write back. But it’s pretty darn difficult. Specially when it’s my own family.
And I don’t know how single moms do it without cracking like a giant earthquake.
Tough stuff inevitably happens. I guess it’s how we deal with it that really makes a difference.
And I know there are days where I feel better about being down. They aren’t often. I allow myself them because I think it’s a healthy thing. I just make sure I get out of it. Each and every time.
Maybe I’ll let myself eat a whole bag of Jelly Bellies and feel GOOD about it. Maybe i’ll clean every inch of the floor and then climb a tree and sit on the funniest looking limb. Maybe I’ll look at the clouds and imagine myself riding one.
And I’ll get there. I always do. Because I know I am apart of what makes my life good. What makes me happy is me and my strength and my ability to get over the hurdles that come my way. Hurdles I let in. Hurdles that come unexpectedly.
No matter how they come, I’m wearing my shoes of confidence and my brave face and I’ll do what it takes to get over them!
Some will be higher than others but I accept that and there will be more than one hurdle sometimes and I accept that too.
I must be strong for myself and for the others around me.
People around me, no matter if I know them or not, are affected by what I bring to the table.
And if I bring my soaked shoes and dirty face, if I bring my ripped shirt and scraped knees but am wearing a smile and smelling of happiness, I will be able to with pride say, that I have jumped over the hurdles I faced. Even if it meant falling two or three times, I picked myself up and I kept trying.
I can jump.
and I just may land at your table.