When, with every minute I feel I have to be doing something productive… that’s when I know I’m on the end of the string.
When my mind can’t keep one thought straight and I’m putting make up on at 530 in the morning so that it makes me feel at least, a little bit better and a bit more awake.
When I’m washing the dishes without caring to put soap on the sponge, when I need to put headphones in to really concentrate on what I’m doing.
These are things that are happening. They are things that let me know something isn’t right. That I have to get back on top.
Right now I’m sinking a bit under the focus and attention I have poured into my child.
I question so many things about what I’m doing. I have noone to tell me how to do it.
I’ve always had my parents guidance and now I’m doing this myself. With my husband, yes. But. I’m making the decisions. And I feel that I don’t want to leave baby with anyone because they may influence him. Even my own husband. So it makes time for myself alone, very limited.
Because of me.
When these things happen.
I know it’s me but I’m with me. For Always.