Maybe It Wasn’t Such a Good/Bad Thing

Maybe my trip to Canada was the best and worst thing.
I came back and I am no longer content. I experienced life the way that I prefer, the way that I realized I had forgotton existed. I lived with people I swung on swings with, I ate timbits and walked by the bay and then I came back and figured out not that I had none of that here, but that I needed it. So now I am unhappy and trying to build and create and make it what I can because I am capable. But it is so very difficult when you are working with darkness inside your head and a numbness in your heart. When the tools you have aren’t equipped for this understanding.
That maybe somewhere along the way, I jumped in too fast.

I am usually wonderful at convincing myself that I am where I want to be but suddenly that has become very difficult to do.
Canada has made me not as comfortable here and if I didn’t know the other side,couldn’t I just continue living without knowing?
And then I’d be missing out on a fun. So am I glad for this hit on the chin? Am I glad for the trip that turned my life in a direction I haven’t discovered yet?
I have yet to figure it out and when I do, I’ll let you know.

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