Plummeting

My marriage is failing.
It is crumbling and it is not because of him, it is not because of us, it is because of me.
I am the most lost I have been in 10 years and I am drinking everyday and I want to go back to Canada and I am not putting effort into living in Thailand because I’m already gone.

My situation is threatening everything I am coming in contact with .
Since having my son one year ago, it is the longest I have went without contacting my family.
I have no desire to.

It is ugly amazing. How much one can have. A loving faithful husband. Money to get massages and facials and pedicures. A pool to swim in everyday. A maid to come clean house every other day. A happy healthy child.

I am not happy with myself and I don’t know even want to get out of it. I have slumped into this lazy haul and I am directing negative into the people I love.
Into myself.
I don’t even want to try and be happy.

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2 comments on “Plummeting

  1. Kasamba says:

    It sounds like you are blaming yourself for not being happy in your life, even though, in theory, things are great. Blaming yourself is not the answer. It’s not going to make you any happier. It might help you to start by taking one day at a time. Try to find a little happiness each day. Do something that you enjoy. Eventually it will come. But most of all, stop blaming yourself.

    • rampike says:

      Thank you for your words Kasamba. I appreciate them. I will try harder to focus on good things and take smaller steps so that overall happiness is more achievable.

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