To Feel What Only One Can Make You Feel

You threw your apple pieces, I had told you no. so i took the apple and you cried.
i placed you on a teddy bear and told you why I had taken the apple away.
then i went closer and you held out your arms.
so you hugged me.
and wanted me near.

i picked you up and brought you to the window to find the moon. we could only see a bit through the trees.
so i moved to another window and opened the blinds. i sat down next to you and you crawled into my lap. and this is where you stayed for 30 more minutes.

i told you the moon was far and that we couldn’t touch it. that it went around the earth and even though sometimes we couldn’t see it, it was always there.
i told you man had stepped on the moon.

i sang about the moon and i hummed about the moon.
and we watched it go dark and i told you clouds had moved in front of it.
and we waited. your eyes still big.

i thought about how noone would know or understand these moments. i wondered who i would tell it to and have them understand.

I thought of people that had looked at the same moon, people you hadn’t met yet, people you had, but had forgotton.

i thought of how precious of a moment it was
because noone else could feel it.

that i was the only one that could feel what i was feeling.

that because i was your mother, and your only one,

i could feel what noone else will feel with you.

and we saw the moon reappear and you watched and watched and watched.
i kept looking down to see if you had fallen asleep, but you hadn’t.
And that brushed my heart strings.
I don’t know what you were thinking.
But you didn’t move.
Your legs curled up underneath your bum, and your left arm straight out in front.
I stroked your hair and your back and your face.. And
I put my hand behind your head and held it upright as I realized your eyes were getting heavy.

And tears began to fall from my own eyes. As I took in these minutes with you.
These ever so precious minutes with you.
I even thought that maybe ,this was the most precious of them so far.
I felt a lot.
Your eyes, big, staring up at the moon, content with the fact that it was doing nothing.
And tears fell onto my neck and you didn’t budge, and your eyes began to close, and then open, and close and then open.
I took the last seconds in with a big inhale, and exhaled as I laid you down to change your bum.

You were awake in an instant, alert, just staring.
Your face red with todays sun. And my cheeks were shiny,
and i put on your clothes and brought you slowly to bed.

All the while you saying nothing, moving nothing, doing nothing.
And when I placed you in the crib, you didn’t even shift position. You laid as I had placed you.
And I walked out, overwhelmed with a love I know, I only know from you.

This entry was posted in Journal.

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