Life just got really scary for me.
Things are hitting me. I’m almost 26 year olds and I’ve depended on other guys to make me feel loved, happy and distracted.
Now I look at the box of letters and notes I have dating back ten years and I have the urge to chuck them because all those people that wrote me, were writing to a lie.
I’m not settled down. I never was. I never was okay with just one persons love and care. And whatever I am in, is going to explode anand it is going to hurt. It is going to be the hardest thing I go through. But I know it has to happen.
I have to grow up. This is me realizing that I have to let go of the attention I have recieved from the past, the attention I knew how so wondrously to get.
So what better place to come head first with reality, then the place where it all took place.
I am leaving Thailand in October with my son, I will be living at my parents, and will be in the very mess I created and was able to leave, for 5 years straight.
I will be living in the mess.
And I am the most scared I have ever been.