Even if you don’t understand it, everything makes sense.
Failures make sense. Disagreements make sense. The girl who shoves the coffee in your face, the man who cuts you off in traffic…Achieving good grades and feeling positive about the rain..
Everything makes sense.
You see, we are all human and subject to feelings and emotions, to things that we aren’t always the best at controlling. In fact, the majority of us are awful at keeping our temper under wrap, our selfishness at bay. We feel things even when we don’t want to feel things. They are at an intensity that we don’t want them to be at. We don’t want to care about certain things in life, but we do. We are affected by everything that happens to us. And we don’t even know it.
We don’t take a lot of time to sit down and figure out why we snapped at the lady in drive thru or why we decided to spend one hundred dollars too much on a pair of one hundred dollar shoes. If we stopped to think about the reasons for all our actions, we’d be stopped for a very long time. Our life would be on pause and then we would have to think about the reason for that pause and then we’d be so paused that life would be no timeline at all. Just a dot.
Don’t be a dot.
But don’t get so erratic with life that you’re running on steam, wondering why the things are the way they are.
We aren’t going to make sense of everything in life. But when we understand that we’re not going to, but that everything does, we’re going to be a timeline of happy.
And that’s worth crossing the t’s and dotting the i’s.
For whatever the reason that makes sense.
You go to a five stages,three day camping festival event and you come back feeling like you were on a euphoric emotional high two of the three days and you understand that it’s been 5 years since you’ve been around that many English speaking people at once and that it is your first time you have ever even experienced bands and people and closeness the way that you did.
You see the tents come down and the piles of garbage bags and the dust from the cars driving out.
You arrive home and you play a song from the CD you bought of one of the bands you saw-one of the members of that band you went to public school with and whose mother taught you in grade 6.
And you cry.
It’s not a drop of the system. It’s not happy slid into a hole of sad. It’s an overwhelming mixture of memories and time and realization. That you just experienced all that. And the photos run your heart wild and before you fully understand,you’re craving to do more of things like this.
You can have lived on the other side of the world for years, visited multiple countries and drove through 90% of the states in America; but when your travel bug has gone mute, it is mere evidence that something will take it’s place.
Maybe you won’t figure what’s supposed to fill it up right away. But something will.
It might click when you’re dancing in a great furious next to a girl that you met 12 hours ago, or when you’re in a group of 7, having lost the three people you knew. It might click when you get home and your heart yearns to do it all over again.
To start an addiction of something new, because of a space that held something old.
Oh, that is a marvelous life particle to have obtained!
Saturated soul, you beam dance into the skys of my eyes and blast full lipped gloss onto my tongue.
You converse with me in the weave of the tree leaves and you let me bend; because I told you I was broke.
I land in shoulder length bloom of dark and of light. I shuttle up the burrows of my grim appearance and as my appetite wanes and grows, the motion of my brainheart does too.
I am not exhausted enough to let my thoughts convince me my future is no place for me to be.
Saturated soul, you whisper into my hands and brush my cheeks with blush.
I will continue.