This will be my last post
I look back on my published words in December and I do not remember writing the majority of them.
It’s been a fuzzy fig of a month.
But I’m ringing in the next year with as many clear bells and understanding then I’ve had in two years.
Here comes next year, and I’ll jump on the wave of it’s back,
and swim for every day of it.
Saturated in numb calming days. I feel boiling warmth of heart wrapping around my neck and ankles and little sleep weasels its’ way into my night and I don’t try and fight it, I just let it enter.
And my broken spirit are the stones I walk on, as I try and regain some sort of composure. I know I believe in it. But it almost seems untangible. That even the times I feel close to reaching for it, it vanishes and leaves me more discouraged.
This is the most beautiful and treachorous and love filled and hurt induced ship i’m on. Finding that balance isn’t too tricky, it’s getting all the componenets and factors lined up.
You find that.
even if it’s hope,
it’s enough to make
Because it is all you.
And noone else.
It’s just you and thinking that hey,
maybe this medication
What’s the most common words you use?
You type? You say?
If we could just stop and. Not Think.
Turn our heads right off.
Turn our brain and hearts and life and,
we can’t because
that’s what Life makes.
Life is such that you can’t turn off anything without nothing.
You have drugs and other methods,
to shut off certain parts, temporary or not.
But life makes you strong,
I think we don’t give enough credit to people
for being happy.
Now that’s sad isn’t it.
Depression, anxiety,panic, disturbances with mind, imbalance in brain.
How much more common are these things nowadays?
A lot more talked about. People are a lot more open about it.
I really think it’s not just that. There are more cases of it than ever before. Because the world.
Because of divorce rates, because of choice, because of war, because people are people with characteristics of slow failure. Because there is medication for things.
I kinda happen to think that we’re all alittle doomed. Social media being one large factor. But that’s not even what I’m sad about. Life is life and it does it’s own thing.
I was a pretty happy being all my life. And then bam, 27 hit and I rolled over and found mud.
Even 26 when I was miserable living abroad. I had this hope in my heart, that if i could just get to my homeland, everything would be fine.
But it’s not. Now it’s not.
And it’s all in my head, it’s all in my head.
Levels keep at it,
the rich soggy of all the nation,
keep at it.
Timid folly on the floor,
grace knots with knowledge,
real life daily
the colour of soul.
Bleak branch and bottom out,
tack on realms of super dust
Willing and Betting, and Begging,
all kneeling at the knees of night.
if you keep at it.