not meeting you

not meeting our followerers,

makes this

THIS

messed up

in one life

normal in another

abusrd

boringu

well

this is life

and i want to meet you

giggle for me

if life is not a giggle

 

it is not worth living.

loving, ife l

sometimes it slumps ya likea snail.

your a slug

you go anyway

any format

with a smirk

and a shirt

and a shit

becuase

you’re fucking all over the place

 

you just want to meet someone fucking real

 

 

 

no

one is fucking real

 

 

im

what

am i

im

living.

breathing

i shouldn’t

be.

but i love life

because i made

me

love

myself

battles

your cat and your dog are fighting at the dining room table andd you have headphones in and you hear their bursts and they are new to each other as you are new to them .

and you just keep typing, knowing tht dog will get snyped nose and cat will battle and there will be battle and you don’t care, buecase battling happens in life and it needs to happen in life and you need to know that battles happen

connection with people

I don’t really know what connects us. When you have a live brain and you think you have the most open brain in new york toronto city.

I think if you’re not connecting with people, and you think its them that are failing,

it’s actually you.

 

Because you’re able.

it’s just a determination if you desire that. if you want that.

 

 

OneBrain

If we had one follower that responded, understood, agreeded,sympthaizeid, knew what was going on in our brain,

 

I wonder if that would be enough.

Looking Back at Old Happies

You realize new things all the time. Sometimes you ignore them. Sometimes you can’t.
Sometimes deeper inflection means more new things.
I used to be a giggle, life loving, small things make me laugh loud, person.
It got crumpled over the years and now, looking back I tend to feel sad at the loss of that characteristic of me.
But as it turns out,
I am in charge of my self.
I really can promote that type of easy happy. Just by changing some brain thoughts.
I realize that over time I have gotten more conscious of my little springy happiness and thought it to be childish. But now I know that those are the things that do make me happy and without them, I lose a big chunk of self. And losing a good part of self, is a sadness.
I dont’ feel 27. I still feel 20. And that is where the imbalance comes from.
I shouldn’t care about what others thnk anymore. Because it’s wrecking my life.

So I shall now walk into my days with a silliness, a goofiness that I’ve tucked away in trenches. Because that’s the kind of happiness I am good at creating and being around. That’s the me that I need to live.

New Feel in the Picture

My sons father hasn’t seen his son in one year and three months.
It was a sacrifice he chose. For me. For his son.
I still love the man because he is good. He just wasn’t right for me.

In five days he will meet his son.
Because his son is altogether new. Unfamiliar. Different then the last time.

So yesterday, I got the burst of a new feel.

I am excited to show him our son.
For him to represent my hard work and dedication of over a year.
I am responsible for his manners and his voice. The words he uses and his diaperless bum. I am the reason behind a lot of the good things and of course, some of the bad.

I am excited to show him the being we made and how it is no longer a 7 pound wriggle, but a 31 pound child that hugs hugs-the best I’ve ever had.
He’s my heart beating reason,
and I’m excited to show him that.

Sound Mind

You don’t have to expect the stuff in life for it to come. That’s an easy sort to understand. It just happens.
And like ex husband visiting his son for three weeks, I’m really not sure what to make of that one.
I mean, maybe I always thought I was to be a divorced lady. With a child. I will maintain the fact even though it has wilted the last year, I’m not that responsible. I’ve always let life do it’s thing with me and I’ve been rollable. Just.. you know, laid over with my good feels and acceptability and security in who I was as an individual. Because when you think you have your life together, even if it isn’t, it basically is. Because that’s a sound mind. And a sound mind goes a lot longer ways then a messy mind and a stable life. Right ?

Your mind is the strongest attribute to life. And my mind is failing me. I’m failing it.
I’m falling off the world.
And it’s quite the crazy nut of an almond feeling.

 

All the Heres.

Stomach pressed against the brown paint, smooth in all it’s colour. Sinking, sliding, then up again.
Blonde strands flattened in a spray of neutrality.

Flames in the corner of eyes, flickering a smooth that saunters forward and upward,
in dual time.

Distant and music climb into your sound sight.
Slow warms into slower and beats of heart are lost among the fumbling of falling down clothes.

Here I am.