Lightweight EarthStage

Putting on ballons. To wear them running.
Attatched as well, with lightweight fabric that the wind is going to do nothing but caress.

Soul of lightweight touch too.

Strands of hair dancing in wild with the strands of light.
that filter through the branches of all the trees.

Feather pockets and around neck and tugging fabric at all your skins creases.
The weathers amusement.

The trees brand of entertainment.

Coddling the grass with toes.
Devouring gulps of air that’s falling into darker states.
As the sun sets
lighter than all the shadows.
on the stage of light

Ballooing into a lighter being of adventurous.

 

 

Leap for It

A day like today, one that happens less then all the others.
You name a child LeapChild, and they end up crawling all their life.
You name your daughter BigHeart, and she has the darkest of them all.

Now,
When a day gets called something,
we are under obligations.
Christmas and Easter and Valentines Day. We’re supposed to be with our loved ones.Supposed to eat a lot of food, take pictures and smile a bit more and talk a bit more.

And Leapday?

It’s  a day that doesn’t happen as often as all the other ones and we are under even an obligation with it.
It’s one extra day of the year that other years we don’t have,  so we should probably do something in it extra special.Or extraordainry. Right?

Right.
Take a leap of faith and do something fully based on that.
That’s what I’m going to do tonight.

 

 

Back To Thailand

Let’s take a look back to the place I lived in for five years. Pattaya,Thailand.
It changed me.
As  moving anywhere does.

Pattaya is a city of tourists,prostitutes,murders,drugs,wires,signs and deceit.

That basically sums up the negative.
But I am not such a cynical person that I find no positive of anything.

Fruit is wonderful, markets, 24hour 711’s almost within 4 minutes of anywhere.
Beautiful. Cheap clothes.
Weather.Beaches.

And there’s people that will drive you home so drunk you don’t even know where home is and they call your mom from you iphone asking and taking no money from purse and delivering.
Once in a lifetime that happens.

There’s also the time where you almost get raped by a so called friend and you set it up cause you went there alone in the dark and it waas in the middle of nothing but  a pack of dogs so when you scream and bolt and run and run and have dogs chasing and you’re whipping stones at them and hoping hoping hoping you won’t feel their teeth on your leg, well that’s life there too.

I haven’t had many scary expeirences there. That I felt. Save for that one. So in five years, i think that’s doing pretty good. I mean, i putmyself in dangerous spots all the time. I truly did. I ate noodles in a stairwell at three am for 2 months straight on the weekends.

I bruised with reality. I tested it. I got so drunk i was shoeless in a massive downpour, water rushing down streets and alone and white wearing me , brother searching, me just drunk drunk drunk.

I like to believe that my non touristy brain, saved me.
That I could smell danger, I avoided. That I thought like them. That my knowlede of the city, the people, helped me. I was able to manevouer around people. My expertise at people, at Thai’s really came into play and I belive that the reason for my safety.

No matter what they say.

Cause they lie like they need the money.
And most of them do.

 

Observation

I didn’t really think it was a large reality even though I was aware of it being something.

I noticably feel uncomfortable when my family and I are in the same room. My brain, my heart-whatever it is, tells me that it’s too many people. Too many family people altogether.

It doesn’t matter if it’s someone else’s family. Doesn’t matter if I’m with a group-all though the last time that happened I was happy and carefree.

It’s just an odd puncture to my individuality. Why do I dislike being around all them so much? Is it because they know everything? Is it because they don’t? And they should?

I don’t really get it.

This post is just an observation.

Yu’d see This

Drenched in irony,

the bottom of the cup saturated with bubbles, holes are brewing

sides are melted with the drops
and the cup is crushed, because of iron.

you’re a  round bend of figment,,

you’re laxing and loathing all at the same moment

you’re a wire of life

bending at any extragent piece of article

that lightens your mode.

you’re the breath of all things hostile

the remote on your tongue

stings the soul of all beings

you’re the remarkable,

the undone, wild tasty hope sucking cuddle bear

you’re the dangerous

the most

you’d ever see

in a life.

Yes, okay

So again, drunk in the basement of my parents home. I am 27 years old and my choices and their good/bad love have landed me here.

That’s the thing. I can’t tell if their love is good or bad.Maybe sucking up to your child all those years kinda backfires.

Except if they didn’t takeme in, i would be on the streets. And my son would be taken away. They know this. Thanks choices.

You suck.

I’m supposed to lay out positive. Yes. Right.

okay..

so i got a new eyeliner today.

and a ring

a ring.

yes.

so maybe that’ll go around the circuit and make it all better.

like love.

you know?

even if you don’t know.

you nod like you do

its just what

humans

we’re taught to do

polite

 

but that just gets us deeper in something we don’t even know yet.

 

 

Better

So I think I’m getting  a little tired of all these sad, mud-filled posts of mine. Sure, the internet is a garbage disposal. Not to say that all we’re expressing is garbage. Some of us have blogs just to vent out madness and sadness and hopelessness. That’s fine. Who am I to say really .

I’m just. There’s a point for me, where it’s not so much beneficial anymore.
Where I’m just latching onto the negative I’m expelling and using it as weapon towards any potential happiness.
I haven’t drank in two days. That’s a pretty good sign. And now I’m wanting to lesson the sad posts. Another good sign.

Work has been so excellent. I’m more happy than ever to go. Weird huh.

Anyhow, here’s to trying for more positive posts in the future.
Because there is always,
always,
something worth being happy about.

Even if  it’s a good makeup day.