Changing Self

When you get in tune with who you want to be and who you are

you are more confident in yourself.

Talking and doing and BEING, is not so scary.

I’ve figured out some things about myself and I’ve decided on a few things, and since I’ve been in solitude for awhile now, I have the desire to go out and make choices to have my new being, brought active. To see it in live.

I don’t need other peoples attention or validation on my new self, it’s more so for me.To proove to me.

I get stuck in the place of this being right or wrong.

Should I just relish in the fact I’ve changed and I know it?
I don’t need others to tell me who I am. Right?


46 comments on “Changing Self

  1. Vivek says:

    But then, your identity survives when others identify you for who you are!
    Identity itself is the term which means how you appear to others!

  2. You only need someone to tell you who you think you are if you think that you need someone to tell you who you think you are.
    Do you? 🙂

    • Lively Life says:

      In a certain way, people will tell us alittle bit about ourselves. You agree, I can tell 😀 ( Angel halo thing on top ) What if we’d just like to make sure that we are who we think we are by being around people that will dissolve any misconstrued tendencies or indirectly point out flaws WE think are flaws. No I don’t think I need people to tell me who I am but these days, I do like to keep myself in check with the me I want to be.

      You too? :p

      • Some people are like that, yes. They seem to mirror ourselves back to us. It’s good to find someone like that but I think that it’s quite rare.
        Mostly, people are full of their own stuff – their hang-ups, likes and dislikes, and so instead of mirroring us accurately, they see us (and we see them (and we see ourselves (in their eyes))) through a filter of their making.
        It’s like they are a distorting mirror. We give them a true vision of the tall, slender person that we are and they give us back a vision of the short, squat person that they see us as.
        But you’re not talking about physical pictures – it’s all about how we are on the inside – right?
        It’s an interesting and rewarding exercise to construct oneself afresh, from the inside, without recourse to the distorted images that other people have of us. It has to start clean though – right at the pure heart of who we are – our ‘face before we were born’ if you like. It’s well worth doing though. It enables us to laugh when someone says that we are (insert your own words here) because we know who we really are.
        And yes – Good Morning to you too – although I think you will be sleeping safely as I type this. 🙂

      • Lively Life says:

        Thank you for your lengthy insightful comment.I’ll respond more in depth at a later minute.

      • I’m looking forward to that – thanks. 🙂

      • Lively Life says:

        Yes yes yes. Perception is the word I’d wrap around the majority of your words. Not like they need a cozy label of any sort but it puts some simplicity to it. We initially see others based on our own faults and flaws and success. Our ideas form around what WE are. They are just our opinons. Thus creating what you have mentioned – the distorted mirror. If our sense of self only came from people whom we believed to be telling us the exact person we were, we are merely seeing the lion, when there is an entire zoo of animals to see.
        You would agree that peoples opinions are important. The fact that they come from somewhere deep within who they are, makes them never wrong. And that’s kinda cool isn’t it. We may not agree of course, but opinions always hold structure to a persons being.
        THAT all being said,
        yes; the insides the insides the insides. We really do have to separate ourselves from destructive vs constructive validation/( opinion ). Which you can guess, comes from within. We have the ability to take the value of this person in our life, how much they really know us ( in our opinion ) and their motive. We should be capable of recognizing potential seeds of personal growth vs a ground where nothing can flourish. All while maintaining the fact that we are receiving what we are from them, based on our own opinions- our perception. Which by golly, everyone knows matter! Our opinions matter! And the more aware and happy of the ‘me’ we are continually working on, the more willing we are to stand up for that ‘me’ and be proud. A perpetual cycle I’d say!
        This reaches me to your point of laughing about being called a bad cook ( that’s the word I used ), knowing we really are not.
        It is not always misconception, just a small sliver of possible truth with all kinds of factors affecting it. Maybe they grew up with one chef who specialized in cooking fish, another that perfected desserts-to their tastebuds at that!
        When we’ve known someone for a really long while, or even more accurately put- when we’ve either experienced a lot with them or seen them experience a lot, that small sliver becomes more like a whole pie. Because even though their own opinion still has weight, that person is seeing more of us,

        more than just the lion at the zoo.

      • Good Morning Lively! 😀
        I’ve decided to call you Lively until such point as you trust me with your name. 😉 Actually – Lively is a really nice name when I think about it.
        It’s possible that I may be misunderstanding you. Is there any chance that you can give me another name for ‘opinions’ to the one I have? I think of opinions as being flibberty-jibberty things that come one day and leave the next. Consequently, I see them as being no more important than individual drops of rain. They might become troublesome when the opinions of many people combine to form a ‘weight of opinion’ or they might trouble us if someone we respect has a strong opinion about something dear to us, but aside from that – we just shake them off like a puppy emerging from the bathtub.
        We are all made of water, which (to stretch the analogy) means that everything we think – our prejudices, beliefs, preconceptions, ideas about how things are or should be, comes from the ideas and thoughts of others. We are standing on the shoulders of all the thoughts that have come before us, but I don’t see this as being necessary.
        I see the path to happiness arising not from opinions and thoughts of all others but from a clearing out of those thoughts and a return to the clean, pure heart of our being.
        Everything that’s ever caused us to be unhappy has come from the outside, or from the thoughts we have had as a consequence of listening to those outside voices and the opinions they hold.
        All of the lasting (important word) happiness we have comes from deep inside – from the deepest and most profound place in us, where we can connect with the source of our (true) happiness and power.
        When all that we hold as important in life flows from the inside and then to the outside, we are in control and have the greatest chance of lasting happiness etc. But if we reverse the flow, then we can only get temporary happiness, simply because things (and people – especially people) change from being something we like into something we do not. Ultimately – we cannot control others, no matter how hard we try, and so we cannot base our happiness on them. The only thing within our control is ourselves (and even then it takes practice) and so this is where we must place our trust and happiness – but deep, deep inside. The flow of love has to be from the source, through ourselves and into the world – it’s the only sane way to live.
        Okay – preachy rant over – you can breathe now. 🙂
        To be honest – I say these things to get them clear in my own head, but I hope they bring some benefit to you too.

      • Lively Life says:

        Thanks again. As per last time, I’ll be replying in eventuality. 🙂

      • I think you did – I think I saw it – I may have already replied! 🙂

      • Lively Life says:

        Thanks for your preachy rant. I’m glad all my countless hours of breathing underwater in swimming class has paid off. Kidding. I never took any such lessons. 🙂

        I am understanding that we have a little bit of a different opinion when it comes to our view of opinion.
        But that’s just my opinion and I could be wrong. Heh.
        I believe that the essence of this very conversation is based primarily on our own opinion. Fancy that!
        Alright, now I’ve just overused the word opinion.
        But that’s just my opinion.
        You might think I didn’t use it enough.

        Within three sentences of your last reply you stated an opinon. You think Lively is a really nice name- when you think about it that is. 😉
        That fact-even if I may dislike the name- now slots into a part of the being I know you as.
        To me, that is what makes opinions so important. They are personal views. Theories. Ideas. And no matter where they come from, they are a part of what makes up you.

        Yeah, maybe the only reason you don’t like the Canadian Flag is because one time you saw someone who had it sewed on to their backup and you watched him treat his girlfriend- in your opinion- terribly. To someone else, swearing at or rough-housing their partner is a sign of affection. Maybe it’s because that’s how their parents did it and they’re still in love and not divorced.
        Someones dislike of the flag could hold much greater depth. Their parents perhaps were murdered by a group of Canadians, all bearing the flag on their forearm. And that is a vision they see often in their nightmares.
        Opinions CAN be floozy, flop and wane and rumble into something different then what they were. You could end up liking the flag because you come across someone doing a kind act with it embroidered on their purse. On the other hand, the one who had his parents murdered by them? It’s gonna take a bit more than that to change their opinion.
        Which is where the significance of where it derives from comes into play.
        Take that into account and there is more to that person for you to learn about.
        As surface as a personal view may be, it is also your view on their view that is colliding with that surface.

        I agree that happiness comes from inside and should flow from there to the outside. That money or our relationships shouldn’t dictate our happiness. We need to be stable on our own, no matter how difficult that can be sometimes.
        But I don’t think that everything we think is based on what’s around us.

        I like tuna and fish sauce. Not together. And to me, that’s an opinion. And also a result of DNA.
        We’re a ball of attitude, beliefs, and morals. I don’t shrug these off when I meet people. They are the very things I delve into. I respect personal views and value the reasons as to why it is what it is.

        Now of course, all of this is my opinion and as far as I am concerned, this is how you are getting to know me. This is you, learning about who I am.

        Our interaction between our two opinions, is us.
        Communicating,connecting, assessing,and sharing opinions is oh such a Lively thing.

        I will hope you won’t shrug off the individual water droplet I have so-called given you; however if you do, it is one more thing that adds to Robert Day who lives in the UK.

      • I so very much like what you have just told me, Lively. It makes me like you more. Your coherence is improving and my sense of you as a person is following on from that.
        As far as opinions go – I think that they DO make the person, it’s just that I don’t think that they SHOULD make the person. It’s so difficult not to be influenced by the thoughts of others and even more difficult not to be influenced by one’s own thoughts. People tend to think that they ARE their own thoughts, but I tend to see them as being more on the outside of the self than the inside. I can watch them come and go and I can choose to be affected or not. They are not me. I observe them. When I write stories, I tend to sit back and let them write themselves, and yes – I’m aware of the contradiction at the beginning of this sentence. Words are not accurate enough for this kind of talk. 🙂
        Bedtime now for me. A manyana. 😉

      • Short and to the point – love that comment, Lively. 😉

      • Lively Life says:

        Sneaking suspicion- I sense some sarcasism somewhat? Say so!

        Since point was mentioned, I’d like to mention one too. It wasn’t entirely the meeting and giving out name straight away that hesitated me. Well.. it was at first.
        Then I dabbled further and thought that perhaps I could challenge you without using a name at all. It seems you do like to address people by there given names and it appears without one, you are quick to sort one that you can appropriately attach to the person.
        This tells me a little bit about you. I’m not sure what, but something.

      • I can see where you’re coming from, but no sarcasm was actually intended, Lively. I like smiles. I pepper my own thoughts and comments with smiles. I love that you thought to give one. I guess I also associate smiles with contentment, happiness and (by extension) agreement, so I took your smile as agreement with my previous comment.
        Yes – I love names. I love to know the names of people. It just gives me something to pin my collection of thoughts and feelings about a person to.
        If you want to know something about me – feel free to ask – I can be quite open.

      • Lively Life says:

        It’s neat how the next paragraph that comes along after the initial outbreak on the subject, has things coming in a whole lot clearer. As you have said with my response – before just the smile face – :: improved coherence and better sense of me.

        So I think you are saying that they are not the fundalmental parts. That you can see,hear, read opinions, and make opinions, and can choose to be affected or not. I find that interesting. To press a button and simply not be affected by someones idea. As if no fire is ever bolted into your system without notice, without you asking for it to be there.
        Don’t you think that the core of us, is the one that decides what views we will have? That somewhere under the covers there’s some heart pumping galaxy with stars ( opinions ) that we are more drawn towards than others? Like I said, opinions can have feeble foundations but I still think the fact that they exist to that person- for them to take on whatever stance it is on it, is a biggie.
        If we are not our own thoughts, what are we? I’m confuzzled here. I get that who we think we are is not always accurate. If at all, really. We all have an opinion on self, and it doesn’t have to be all wrong, does it? If we just stop thinking, are we a more clearer person? Are thoughts the puddle, and the rain, us?
        Just some thoughts I had that turned into questions. 😛 And one more.
        If opinions are outside, easily changable, no relation to inside, what are your insides made up of, RC?
        Una buena noche.
        ( That is totally goatly google translate so if it comes out some wonkified phrase, I apologize in advance. )

      • Wow – that’s a whole bunch of thoughts and questions, Lively! You really are Lively by name and lively by nature. 🙂
        This is how it is for me – I am consciousness, which means that I am the one that is aware of all the stuff around me. In front of me are all the thoughts (and opinions) and events in the world (stuff that comes in through the senses). Behind me are all the memories. Below me is imagination and sleep. Above me is a clear, bright light – a kind of airy, pure feeling – a transcendence. Beyond that – further up, is God.
        My aim is to move upwards.
        The closer I get to transcendence and God, the more capable I am of dealing with all the other stuff in front, behind and below me. The direction I move towards dictates the nature of what I become. I want to get purer and clearer so I move upwards. Others may want to become more materialistic, or opinionated so they move ‘forwards’ (words here break down because ‘moving forward’ has a positive implication that I do not subscribe to). Some want to be more imaginative and creative and so move downwards (again – the word can mean different things). I have a battle between up and down raging inside me. I love creativity etc. but that doesn’t always lead me towards purity. I guess most people are kind of conflicted, but I can’t remember being anyone else recently so I’m just guessing. 🙂

      • Lively Life says:

        This is all very very interesting..

      • What is interesting about it for you, Lively?

      • Lively Life says:

        May I ask how you came to all this conclusion? All these levels of being and such. Can you feel the levels all the time? And know which levels you are on? If you’re always wanting to move up, are you never content?

      • Just made it up in the fly as I typed it. 😉

      • Lively Life says:

        At first, and second, and even half way through the third read, it all seemed very complicated. All these levels and directions. And I’ve visualized you being a person that makes living look easy. That in person, you’d be this down ( yet you seek upward ) to earth person.
        I realise direction is symbolic in all of this and like you said, can mean different things.

        You are always becoming then, yes? And the more you are travelling in the one direction, (hey,that’s a band!)the more it is of that..that you are becoming. So like I, you are always striving to be somebody better. Improving.

        What you have described is your way of life. How you choose to live. To be. Your consciousness ( you ) has chosen a way to do something because it feels/thinks/believes it to be the best way to do/be so. Even if it hasn’t felt like a choice and has just always been. This is an opinion formed from somewhere deep within- let’s say your core? At some point Consciousness jumped forward and picked up a happy method.Then shifted back, carrying that desire ( happy method ) to move upwards. And in choosing this particular path, it means you have ( subconsciously? ) discarded, tucked away or been less intrigued by other routes.

        This way is the way that resonates best with your decision making consciousness.You.

        I get stuck on that bit; Consciousness having no opinion. You did state you were consciousness. There must be parts of you ‘forward’. Just like there are parts of you ‘below’. Because I do believe you sleep. And even imagine. Imagine that!

      • Good Morning – yes to all of those things, Lively. 🙂
        It’s interesting to hear it from another mouth (so to speak) but yes, you have understood what I was trying to put into words.
        I was actually only about three quarters of the way through explaining (for the first time ever) the way I think about this, but bigot interrupted – so maybe that’s why it was harder to understand than it should have been.
        About there opinions (as you mentioned above) – maybe my determination to improve in that way started out with an opinion – like a key is used to start the engine – but once the car got moving, the key was no longer needed?
        Words are tricksy things to use when you want to talk about … deep stuff. 🙂

      • Lively – I’ve found something that blowing my mind!
        I was looking for something completely different on the internet (Myths) and found a book that mentioned a piece of work by Emmanuel Levinas called Totality and Infinity. I’ve just started reading the introduction to the book (at and it talks of something called Phenomenology. I then started reading about this on Wikipedia ( and these two documents are what is blowing my mind. They speak the same language as you and I, Lively. It is as if ‘the universe’ has listened to our conversation and said ‘this is the work that speaks to your beliefs’.
        I’m going back to read more now – but I just thought I’d let you know where I am. 🙂

      • Lively Life says:

        K, whoa whoa whoa..pardon!
        I kept thinking I was reading it because you had given me the sites and said, ” Here, this is what I/we mean.”
        That is awesome. Thanks for the share! I shall invest a while longer into the read and see what else I can see.

      • Pretty amazing stuff – right?
        I’ve been reading this book called ‘The Secret’ by Rhonda Byrne, which says (basically) that we attract things to us on the basis of our thoughts. Have you read it, Lively? I think this would be a good example of the ‘law of attraction’. 🙂

      • Lively Life says:

        I haven’t read it, no. Hmmm!

      • Lively Life says:

        I have downloaded the PDF file and have begun the first divulgences into The Secret. 🙂

      • Lively Life says:

        Teaching her such unsharing ways, are you. Tsk tsk. 😀 Good thing you have such a respected person in your gang of friends that shares. 😛

      • Lively Life says:

        I feel like I understand partially, the content of those links, and I’m not even sure how much of that partiality I actually am! It’s one of those, ‘ I get it, and it’s locked into my system as soon as I’ve got it and I don’t know how to relay it to anybody. Not even my own self,’ type of things.

      • Lively Life says:

        Let me also state that I really do mean to ask if I have it right or not. With what I’ve replied with last. One can state a question, right?. When it comes to me putting your words into my own words, what have you found.

      • Funny – I answered that question without reading it (see my last comment). 🙂 I love it when that happens.

      • 🙂 You’re funny (not peculiar) – I like you. 🙂

      • Lively Life says:

        Hmph. Is that soooooo!

      • Yes ma’am – that it is. You are an admired and respected member of my little gang of friends – if you’ll allow me to be so presumptuous. 😉

      • Lively Life says:

        And a 🙂 for good measure!

    • Lively Life says:

      I can also entirely type, ” Good Morning” to you now.

      So. ” Good Morning :)”

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