Not A Career Woman. Now what.

I’m not a career woman.
I wonder about people that have no drive or desire to hold a career position-whatever that may be.
I may have wanted to be a teacher while I was in public school. But that was only to answer the question of ‘ What do you want to be when you grow up?”

Since 16 years ago I’ve wanted to be a Mom. Have a big family. Etc. And it hasn’t changed since.
It’s interesting that there is a correlation between who you date, and what you want in life.Even if you don’t even notice it.
At least there should be.
No kidding eh.

Those career driven take on a much more independent route and sometimes I feel bad for wanting what I do.
Working towards finding someone to love and commit to and have a child with, seems like a lazy thing to want- that it holds less value and carries less importance.
It means you have to rely on someone. To support that desire. Not just to have a child together, but to be a family together. I don’t just want to be a Mother, I want to be a part of a family. And in order to be a healthy family, you need to be emotionally and mentally stable. And who else is going to provide or help make it so then your partner. No, you shouldn’t rely on that- you need to be happy by yourself, but there is a responsabilty you take on when you commit to someone.

Whether intentionally or not, some people make me feel that I should have something else lined up. That putting all my grapes in one pail for Family Life is a terrible idea. That I should have other lifelines or backups.
But if I do that, I am jeopardising my ship aren’t I?
I don’t want to make a serious relationship knowing I have something else if it doesn’t work out. I want that full fledge feeling of vulnerability. Because I’ve barely ever experienced that kind.

I know that that is what drives me to be better in a relationship.
I stumbled across it recently.

I don’t know the financial security aspect of it except in the last two relationships, having my parents house I could come back to- but in all my past relationships ( including one of those two ), I kept other ‘ships’ on the side unknownely for security. In case it didn’t work out.
I didn’t realize that that’s what those people in my life were. Until last year.

If I’m in something, I don’t want the nets of other people or jobs or even family to exist.
I want to be all in with only me and my desire to have my one relationship.
I don’t want options outside of what I am in.
so that’s what’s now what,
you non career peoples.

 

 

 

 

 

This entry was posted in life.

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