Let’s Have Determined Fire

I’m tired of being a hermit. I want to live a lot more then this.
The first time being dropped by someone I care about. And that person is now located in my past. A past with a lot of screw ups and mistakes and bad choices.

The only point to living at all is if we take the past and purge it of all the bad and take what is left. All the good and fun and memories and lessons and taking THOSE, and bringing them with us into the present. Into the future.
Allow ourselves the little pricks of sadness and hurt and ache because denial is a dangerous thing. Then tell ourself and believe ourself; that we have a life ahead of us in which we need to join in on.

Mine, it’s like it’s been waiting there for me patiently. I need to catch up to it and say, ” Yo Life, I’m ready to start over!”

This may be a ruthless approach, it’s like I never loved him.
But this is more like, I must do this or I die.
Like a punch through the system.
My strong bold self, the person that was cold of all love. That could get over a breakup so easily because I was the one doing the breaking.

Now, I accept I was beaten down, I got broken up with and the past few months held the darkness of it. For some it may take years to make that darkness have any light.. but I love the sun so eventually I have to bring out the shine of it. I accept that I love him. That I love him the most I’ve ever loved anybody I’ve been with. I accept I screwed up and that I’ve learned so much from this.

I’m just tired of being a hermit and loving someone that doesn’t want to be with me.
This is my agression so that I make it far into the way that has been waiting for me.
I have to push.

 

 

 

12 comments on “Let’s Have Determined Fire

  1. Chris W. says:

    Superior content, but let me say be patient…you will find someone worthy of being with the woman so wonderfully laid out here for us to learn about piece by piece.

  2. You certainly have one major point right–you need to move beyond your past. Grab the good memories and hold on to them as you surge forward, but…

    We are a sum of all our memories and thoughts, good and bad. Don’t forget the mistakes, but as you allude to, learn from them. Remember enough of them so that you can try and avoid repeating them.

    You do have to push, but do not push alone. As you move forward, gather friends and build a support structure so that, regardless of what happens next, you never again have to feel alone.

    • Lively Life says:

      That’s a good point. To bring the mistakes you made along with you so that you do not make them again, BUT bringing them in such a way that it doesn’t bring you down. Just that they are there however format they may be, to ward you off from making them again.
      I can see that you really value the support network way. I have to work on mine, but I do understand how very beneficial it is to have a great one.

  3. Don’t lose hope and continue the journey. remember there is not destination, we only have the journey.

  4. Vivek says:

    If Life will start giving you the second chances to start over again – Wouldn’t that mean to gamble with the time?

    • Lively Life says:

      Vivek, there you are! šŸ™‚ Aren’t we always gambling with time? As it is not guarenteed.?

      • Vivek says:

        Nope, normally, we are not…but when we want the things to reset, that’s gambling!
        When you want something which you can’t get, and you try to get it otherwise, that’s gamble!

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