It took me 27 years to figure out how my mother loves me.
I don’t mean I am a wretched person and no one should love me but in HOW she shows it. HOW she expresses it. It’s something that came to me while I was rubbing mositorizer on my face this morning.
It’s not through touch or verbally telling me so. Or through cooking beautiful meals-cooking for that matter.
It’s through money. Money that she is entitled to all these years, but not money she has made. Money that shuts us kids up quick. She gave when she was low on it. She gave when it was supposed to go towards groceries. All in order for us to be happy. It’s not the healthy kind no, but to her money is power. And she bought our happiness and felt royal because of it. It was instant gratification.
As long as I can remember she was the one that would say we could go to our friends or buy that chocolate bar while Dad was shaking his head.
Then there are the late night pick ups, the driving me here and there, the borrowing of her car, the lending of an expensive shirt or purse.
We feel loved by a combination of different things and we also naturally love a certain way.
If we can figure out how we show our love to people and then figure out what ways make the people in our life most feel loved, we can get better at it by consciously choosing that way and in turn, have those people happier and feel more loved by you. This will drive your new expression of love and will make you happier too.
To me, I don’t feel loved through money or giving in. So all those years, as hard as my Mom was loving on me, I didn’t feel it because it wasn’t in my catagory of ‘ this is what being loved means to me’.
Let’s get the signals tied together instead of letting ourselves blast out ways of love that totally bypass others.