This was two days before’ The End.‘Or maybe one day. I can’t- nor does it:: really. Matter.
I just fricken did it.
You came over and I sat on your lap, we kissed, cuddled, and looked into each other.
and you say,
” I just got here!” because I have started speaking.
” I must say this now, ” I speak. “We’ve got to make a decision.”
And on I on and I make blathery and I am surprised and impressed with how straight forward and honest and real it all comes out. I’m usually a sucker for winding my words up all wrong once they fall out of my mouth.
But today I was collected and had direction.
You spoke a few observations and thoughts.
” I feel you’re wanting an answer now so that you can go out there and just find someone.”
Your underestimation for my love for you is as bad as my judgement on how many jellybeans are in a jar-even if there are only 12 .
I made a few more comments and you leaned back quickly and I heard your teeth grind and I knew i had oversold the positive. Within a few minutes you were hugging me hard and giving me a kiss on the cheek and walking to vehicle.
At first I was bothered. You were leaving after hearing something you didn’t like. Couldn’t you talk to me about it? We’re adults, I understand we’ve all got to get better at communicating, but when’s the bloody time to start? Certainly not now?! Heaven forbid!
A few more thoughts down the line, I realized yeah, it had got you heated, and you had the sense to leave before lashing out.
And after THAT thought was: that’s still a negative- unable to deal with those feelings and just walking out. Concluding this fast plane of thought was that yes I know this and I love you and that working on this is something you are capable of.
But this all is lathered in the suds of, ‘ but to which extent? ‘