We are all like toddlers in car seats. Toddlers who don’t understand that they are being driven to playgrounds, birthday parties where there is cake and treat bags and other kids to play with. Life is the car and we’re actually the driver but sometimes we’re an upset kid who is yelling because we don’t know where it is we are actually headed.
Next time you’re completely busted up because all plans broke loose and where your life might take you next is now not as certain as it once was, remember the toddler in the backseat whining to go back home, refusing to listen to any factual jarble they are being told while they’re on route to a park with slides,swings and cool shizzle like that.
Don’t assume you’re travelling to a prison. Unless your handcuffed and wearing a full coloured jump suit that doesn’t in the least, flatter your skin tone.
Scratch out every grey UV ink bubble
with a coin you pulled from the change.
Wipe the shavings away
and come to understand
that now you have no expectations.
Of winning, losing, failing or succeeding.
Tape this used ticket to your mirror
and remind yourself often
that when you get upset over a divorce,
a breakup, a weight gain or something further then your control,
it is only because you have expected differently of your life.
There is no harness to your love
all attachments are custom made
Pre-designed with the power to continue
like it does when I least think it does.
Your wheels are always forward
but they move left, right, and round
circles that keep the motion going
yet makes meeting the bad places
In the circles we always want it to
We can’t help this time
what we love.
As much destruction
has broken us to twigs
we move and move
because your love has no harness
it is ready and always fresh
ready to take
even my presence
oh that I pay the price for all of this
is but only
a part of your love.
Do you ever think back to a time period with someone and can’t remember who you really were?
A few years spent together with a person and you can’t bring your imagination to recreate how you were, how you felt.
Thoughts like these make me wonder me.
If I’m to change so drastically again- as perhaps is a continual cycle- then I and the people in my life will either have to adapt together on this or be left in the past.
Present me knows that whoever I end up choosing to spend my entire life with, has to know that the Future me could potentially forget who I was. That Present me will change.
So it is important that the Present Other knows my heart and my core – and loves THOSE parts of me. Not the ones that will change so extremely.
Take a few minutes to go through your bras and re strap them so they fit properly. Over time they loosen and before you know it, we’re wearing a bra that isn’t supporting us. That’s something that has long term affects.
Give away or sell clothes you don’t feel nice in. All those sweats and big sweaters? I know it’s getting colder but ridding yourself of some of these over sized comfortables will make you less inclined to overeat.
If you’re someone who likes things to LOOK at least slightly organised and in place, this ones for you. When you’re getting ready to go out and clothes and make up and papers get put in all the wrong spots and you’re in a hurry and you’re whipping around trying to put your sweaters back into the closet and your folders back into the drawers and books on the shelf… Just don’t. Get better at walking away from a messy room in these times. The world ain’t gonna slenderize into oblivion and you sure as heck only gonna have to reapply your makeup and deodorant with sweating so much. Let cleaning up come after your outing and if you can’t handle that, then start getting ready earlier!
Always put water in your smoothie cups and hot chocolate mugs. If any dish has the potential to crust up hard after sitting in the sink for awhile, rinse it first. Even though it has to wait a bit longer to get the full washing, you’ll save yourself some serious scrub time.
Try reading a book or magazine before bed instead of watching a screen. It’s easier to get to sleep that way.
Typing of books:
Who needs a book of daily jokes when you’ve got your past.Laugh at how ridiculous it is in how you got here. To this place you’re at right now. All the turns and corners and awful feelings and regret and guilt and choices in the past. Besides learning from it, what other good is it going to do just hanging around there.
They are little humored up jokes that you are capable of smiling at – even when you don’t feel like it. Treat your past like an annoying and sarcastic but absolute fundamental, best friend. It after all, is something that isn’t going anywhere.
The sight of the sky this morning was a visual that jumped on my breath and rode a few of them away.
In awe but in my living room, I stood
my insides fluttering around this rising intensity.
It flopped right out of my eyes as gloss.
And out of my mouth as grin.
my son waved energetically and blew me a kiss back
as his bus was pulling away.
I think it interesting how woman will go and pay to get there breasts enlarged and wear tight, low cut and revealing tops or dresses.
I guess it’s almost like buying a sports car.
But flaunting body, not money.
I suppose because I’m more attracted to someone who spends time and pays attention – not money- on themselves, that the instant gratification implants offer isn’t as soothing an idea to me.
And yeah, you may have worked for that money used to change your body, and you may have felt completely useless and without confidence in your old shape.
But hey, I think it might be saying something when every outfit and event has you popping your boobs out like they were that way all along.
At that rate, I just think ones’ insecurities should be put under evaluation, not the knife.
Take that idea and hold it in your heart. Now we’re going to inspect.
Perhaps you just miss the feelings he created within you. How he or she made you feel clever, hopeful or even better as a person. Perhaps she was a creative outlet in which you were appreciated- for your wacky brain, your confidence in creating. Maybe you don’t miss him at all but all the things he provided. Safety, stability, being cared for. Even the person you were when you were with him.
It may be that you don’t really miss who she is as a person, but rather the world of what it meant to have someone there. To connect with and share with.
Really let your heart feel out on all angles, what this miss actually is for.
Next I want you to ask yourself what of that miss, you can supply on your own.
Getting into a comfortable relationship with yourself is so incredibly important but it’s often the thing we focus on the least.
Administer the value on yourself, yourself. Take moments to actually laugh at how silly you are being or how radical you know your mind is. Validate your beautiful existence yourself. If this means making a sticker chart and rewarding each recognition with an end of the week treat? Then do so.
Fill this ‘miss’ void as much as possible. Wrap up love and give that gift to yourself over and over again.
In the end, you’ll find you are much stronger and funner then you thought you were and whatever miss you felt for a person or a place,is less- simply because you’re able to produce the feeling of being cared for, yourself.
May I remind you too, you don’t need someone else to make you better. If you like who you are when you are ‘better’, go be that without the crutch of someone else. If you can do that, your ‘better’ just got a whole lot better.