You Make me …

Your funked up creature just got you a major in beauty
with your lined lips and toned skin,

you’re the mount, what they call asurity.

I best take your form and your cultivated power
wrap it around my piller
like I was born to take strong and be the next Eiffle Tower

You’re holding me like I was a dime on a spare
the only in your pocket
as if I’d ever care.

But today I do
because tomorrow I will,
you’re the best kind of feeling when it comes to that pill.

To Stop Flirting, Is Friggin’ Tough

Up until I was 15 I was reserved, painfully shy, uncomfortable and insecure.

16 years of age popped more boobage onto me,a boyfriend into me, and this desire to actually make myself look good.
I stopped putting my school clothes on the night before and started straightening my hair and paid attention to what clothes made me look better.

It’s not all about physical attraction but sometimes, it is.
Looking good was really the only way I felt good. Feeling good brought my confidence meter up 6000 notches and in turn,
” Hello boys”.

For all of it’s existence, I didn’t call it flirting. ” It’s just the way I am!” ( Oh, please, I’d slash that idea down with an axe if it wasn’t already buried under a hill somewhere up north. )
Anyways, my behavior with males came naturally and it was perfected in a way I didn’t question or even really understand.

Basically what I’m trying to get at is that I flirted my way through life. It meant many overlapping relationships and a dependency that went beyond relying. It was a way of life.

Now I’m 28 and starting a brand new way. I’m attempting to drop a habit I didn’t realize I had.

Okay. So here’s the thing. When you go that long interacting in only one type of way towards males, it’s pretty friggin difficult to establish another way that doesn’t involve the combo of great social skills and the desire to be liked.

I mean, come ON.

I daily feel I’m being rude to men. It’s like knowing what to say to make them feel better or good about themselves, but trying not to want to anymore.
It’s like avoiding any eye contact, replying with bluntness wrapped in disinterest. It’s shutting down potential conversations before they begin.  It’s like learning how to communicate all over again when you know you know how to communicate just fine. It’s like the perfect opportunity to show off something you were proud of, but shutting that door over and over again.

And yeah, it does make me feel uncomfortable. I’m awkward at it. I’m nervous with it.
It’s fresh and tiring. I feel like a slightly empowered amature.  It brings me to a different level with myself and my world and my fancy smanzy heart tells me it’s the way to go, no matter how short worded I’m being with someone that is just begging for more interaction.

 
And I’ll take interaction with my heart over some freakishly good looking man asking for my phone number any day.

 

 

 

 

Inside Out

Inside I’m a field. A rolling expanse of soil.
And I choose my seeds wisely. Most of the time.
Inside out, I am Choice.
Beyond the body of me, there is Weather. And whatever I choose to expose myself to, determines the growth of my seedlings.

I reach for the sunshine naturally, the warmth and the feel good feels. I reach for the butterflies and the sight of green on trees.
And as Weathers’ temperament is, sometimes it rains.
And as I am, sometimes it is not what I want to happen.
But as we know, water makes life grow.

When Weather accumulates in a corner, I may not be able to escape it’s raw and turbulent stupor. Yet I am Choice. I can create what to do with the uncontrol. I can let rain dampen my spirit, to let snow crust me over with dark solitude and way too much comfort food.

I can also choose to make blanket forts and bake with fruit. I can make an array of paper boats and float messages down to my monster truck neighbors. When I choose positive feelings my fields within are colourful, ever-blooming and ever confident. They will receive my interpretation of the unpredictable Weather and be growing in a happy environment.
And me as Choice? I’ll be feeding off of that.
Inside Out, the Beautiful Cycle.

 

 

You Can Fake your Way Through Anything…But Don’t.

You can make your entire world ; your friends, family, other daily interactions.. think that you’re okay. That you’re even happy. That you’re feeling a certain way when you are not. That you ARE a certain way when you’re not.
You know how you can pretend to like a gift? And then just shove it in your closet, under your bed, regift..

If we pretend to like the gift of life, it’s not ever going to give us what we want.
The more we fake happiness-the worst being with the ones we are closest with, the better we get at it. Until we are reacting naturally like that.
But what’s the point?
To pretend we enjoy living? To pretend we’re actually as happy as our posted photos say? Come on guys, who are we kidding.
We’re never going to actually be happy that way.
Kinda just gotta be real with ourselves and maybe be more open to our sadness or downfalls and communicative of them. ‘Cause you know, the likeliness of connecting with someone over some unhappiness, is quite well…likely.Whether its with your sibling or best friend or person you just met.
And being cared by someone who REALLY knows your feels, well that’s a really good gift to give back to life. And Life don’t pretend nothing.

A Little Like Fun Lovin’ Wordplay

I coloured you with my red pencil crayon, 
hoping it would make you more ready.
I added meat to your plate- it was steak, and nudged a shot glass towards you, thinking you’d like to meet me in the park after dinner. I just want a shot with you, with high stakes and all.

I put a hole in the middle of your grilled cheese sandwich. because I’d like to give you the whole universe and I’d like to be the center.

Under the sun, outside your house I stood.  because I thought it would help you to understand that I want a son with you.
I stood out in the rain too, you kinda reign my heart.

I rang in the new year alone in the trailer 0f your backyard, because I want to give you a ring that lands us in the movie of Life; of great confrontation.

I want to see this through; it’s what I told the sea I’d do. No matter the dew in my eyes or the bees my skin may wear, you are where I want to be.

The Difference On Same

There was a time that I thought the same as everyone was boring.
Now I feel a sense of unity in it .A bond. I find the balance in knowing that as many similarities we have, their are differences. 
And its not awful to me anymore
Being older kinda makes me want that security in sameness. I value peoples differences, but there’s a special intrigment I find in going deeper with similar ideas or way of thinking. A relatability that makes me feel warm and pleasant and understood. I do think connection can happen regardless. I’m just different now, in the way that I’m more okay with sameness.

 

 

 

Thank you Openly Isolated for the inspiration. 😛

My Love

I told you I hadn’t loved you in our relationship.
You deflated into a hundred and eight pieces.
I stood strong, even when you didn’t understand
because I knew that what I said,
I meant.
And this is what I told you.
” What is worse. To believe that I loved you and treated you the way that I did? Or to admit that I couldn’t have because I was treating you the way that I was. ”

I may not know what my love exactly is, but it sure as hell has nothing to do with what I put you through.

Life States

Woke up in state of
not Ohio
or New Mexico

but Life though.

“I’m happy to have you visit”
it says
as if I’m bordering an exit
that it only knows. 

    I do fall asleep in It’s arms
every now and then.
And when I wake up, it always states to me,
that I’m It’s eternal Friend.