There’s Truth Under the Truth

i am sorry i was the one to disturb you
to wake the giant.
i wish it was someone else
and instead, that i was the one to help you become better.

when you learn from this what you will, i will wish not that it never happened for you, but that it was someone else, that it was never me that placed it upon you, but someone else.
for if you haven’t already, you will learn something greater than what you can imagine.
you will be better than you ever have been.

but in the realistic deeper tongue of Truth that I begin to practice,

if i was never the one to make you reach your worst,
i wouldn’t have ever made it to my present best.

In developing this action of looking for honest,

I find myself okay with it being me that crushed your ego and broke your heart.


I accept it because in not doing so, I avoid and deny and ignore the truth of what happened.
If I want to live truthfully, I must accept the truth.

I accept that I broke your heart.
and I am comforted with my belief that eventually, 

 


you too, will reach your best.

I Let Go

I got stronger, more foundational, more sure of what I was becoming.
I was still afraid,still cautious and still unsure of what it meant for a certain piece of my life.
I didn’t know if I could fix this old part with me, if old could survive with new.
If I could integrate,mend gently and beautifully – and not forcefully, recklessly or irresponsibly
I knew that I didn’t want to let the piece go- I’d spent time cultivating it too
I also knew I wasn’t okay with jeopardizing the being I’ve become.
So I needed to follow through on this admittance:

that if the certain piece of my life couldn’t accept or even to try and understand what I’ve become and am becoming,
I had to let it go .

 
It didn’t,
so I let it go.

Relief

It shifted. A few days ago it did.
When I finally set myself free.
When I did what I needed to do. And it couldn’t have happened any sooner
because I wasn’t ready to let go.
This was in my heart all along.
So as much as this is a beginning, it still feels like it is gloriously aged cheddar.
I guess that’s what happens when you finally make your own hearts whispers’ a priority.

There’s Usually Certainty..About at Least One Thing. I Think.

I guess I tend to guess and suppose very often
at least, I think so.

And when I write it, it is
Softner words; like the laundry sheets.
It rounds the edges of severity, creates less harsh and more
smell pretty.

For to be wondering and pondering and shifting ideas and not so concrete,
to be seeing angles and sides and views,
I value.

Overtime, certainty can feel the lack of itself
and want to possess a pool of backbones to bathe in.

I suppose usually, I wade in.
and it feels good when my feet can’t touch the bottom.
because swimming in the certainty that everything is a part of life
is a little like loving being lost.

 

 

Kinda. At least.

Let me Hear Your Insides

When you bite your tongue
a heart corner of mine
flutters upwards.

I need you to speak your insides.
All the minutes
of any second.
Even if scary and dark,
even if you know it will hurt me.

When your tongue is bitten
you only ever stay where your words are.
Inside.

I need you outside-

to see and hear and feel your insides
on the outside.

Then you’ll know that
your whole being
is being loved.

And not just your representative.

Slow Progression

I rode my bike to the shore
just to lose myself for a little bit more.
I built myself up with rocks and sand,
and that’s when I knew I could understand.