You’re Still Here

I think about you everyday. I miss you. I think about the what have I dones and the whys and why didn’t I and how could I and what was I thinking and in all of this, making some rational sense because sense without rational is like the national anthem without pride.
oh Life, I don’t want to disappoint you anymore.

Internal Peace

I used to surrender to the power of the love for other people, instead of loving myself.
My relationships not lasting because I had no internal peace. Nobody was ever going to be enough in my eyes because I consistently and constantly required more then what any human could give. Internal peace. I am not good for anyone if i am not good for self . If I am my own toxic habit, I will only spill that on the jeans of my partner and no matter how many times you wash, that stain doesn’t come out.

Bravery

The way you like it like this,
but can’t say the words.
The way it’ll throw you off course
You Tell me that at Least.
while your back against the plaid
that you gave me
How many years ago now?
Time trickles through the system
and we absorb and believe
that One Day,
we will tell it truly,
How we Like it.
And the Course,
will forever be Changed.

Technical

I
will always remember you.

When you entered my life,
I would never not know you existed.
And now more then ever,
I don’t ever want to know what that feels like.

And I think about you
more often then what I think you think I do.

You’re a precious soul.
And I feel proud of myself
that I had someone like you in my life.

You are the coral people dive for.
You are the gold people mine for.

You are
one of my lifes highlights.
And my feeling is,
that,
you will always be.
I carry you in my heart wherever I go.
Sorry if you get voodoo spins or bad visuals.
You’re the light
to my demise.
And I don’t know if
you’ll ever know that.

What Would It Now

There was a time we were on the front porch
in the 2000’s of the year.
There were no stars that night,
they hid from us I’m sure.
Out of sight, they did, they were, they were
because I think
they were afraid of being around so much love.
And what we found, I’m sure
was that we were never lost
and we talked about all these things and even
the cost
of what it would be like
to be together , together…

B U

You’ll wear yourself out being someone you’re not for somebody else. You will collapse. You will not last with anyone if you are not downright upright you.

Fear gets in the way and in the end, fear of stepping forward like you are, will have you stepping out.

You have to be yourself if you want a relationship to last. That’s why none of mine have. Well, the last two anyways.

The first few, I was too unknowingly smart to be someone else.

Words and Love

How do you leave something you love?
What about someone?
They are still nouns I suppose.
But a cave isn’t the same as a person
no matter how deep they can both be.
They are both nouns.
But one makes you feel more then the other.
Is that the difference?
It must be.
But maybe that’s just the adjectives talking to my noun heart
and making me feel adverbly a lot like a simile.