Breaking hearts never gets easier.
And that’s a good thing.
I try to enjoy the wind as it reaches me here in the open window’d car.
I hear the leaves talk too.
It brings me you
and the absence settles.
This brings me only memories and reminders that have impacted me enough,
to be able to come to me this way.
I try to enjoy it
but I only wish you were here
and that the breeze was not.
That was the way you and I spent our holidays. Dining on tulips and lavender.
I told you I wanted your motion to swing me upside down so I could see the heat of your heart reach your feet.
And then I felt your brain and ideas pile into the front seat of my car. And for a mile I thought I’d gone south. But I felt the chill of reality seep through the static in the radio and knew we’d done it again. We sewed our breath to each others’ and lasted the cold away.
I could get used to this kind of growth.
i am sorry i was the one to disturb you
to wake the giant.
i wish it was someone else
and instead, that i was the one to help you become better.
when you learn from this what you will, i will wish not that it never happened for you, but that it was someone else, that it was never me that placed it upon you, but someone else.
for if you haven’t already, you will learn something greater than what you can imagine.
you will be better than you ever have been.
but in the realistic deeper tongue of Truth that I begin to practice,
if i was never the one to make you reach your worst,
i wouldn’t have ever made it to my present best.
In developing this action of looking for honest,
I find myself okay with it being me that crushed your ego and broke your heart.
I accept it because in not doing so, I avoid and deny and ignore the truth of what happened.
If I want to live truthfully, I must accept the truth.
I accept that I broke your heart.
and I am comforted with my belief that eventually,
you too, will reach your best.