Breaking hearts never gets easier.
And that’s a good thing.
That was the way you and I spent our holidays. Dining on tulips and lavender.
I told you I wanted your motion to swing me upside down so I could see the heat of your heart reach your feet.
And then I felt your brain and ideas pile into the front seat of my car. And for a mile I thought I’d gone south. But I felt the chill of reality seep through the static in the radio and knew we’d done it again. We sewed our breath to each others’ and lasted the cold away.
I got stronger, more foundational, more sure of what I was becoming.
I was still afraid,still cautious and still unsure of what it meant for a certain piece of my life.
I didn’t know if I could fix this old part with me, if old could survive with new.
If I could integrate,mend gently and beautifully – and not forcefully, recklessly or irresponsibly
I knew that I didn’t want to let the piece go- I’d spent time cultivating it too
I also knew I wasn’t okay with jeopardizing the being I’ve become.
So I needed to follow through on this admittance:
that if the certain piece of my life couldn’t accept or even to try and understand what I’ve become and am becoming,
I had to let it go .
so I let it go.
It shifted. A few days ago it did.
When I finally set myself free.
When I did what I needed to do. And it couldn’t have happened any sooner
because I wasn’t ready to let go.
This was in my heart all along.
So as much as this is a beginning, it still feels like it is gloriously aged cheddar.
I guess that’s what happens when you finally make your own hearts whispers’ a priority.
I have lived my whole life making decisions based solely on two things.
What I want.
it won’t surprise me if you’ve done the same thing.
It is a terrible backing for a life frame.
You know why ?
Because feelings change and what we want isn’t always the best for us.
Because we won’t stay married if we are always choosing with our feelings.
Because we continue to want even after getting what we wanted.
We will never be satisfied if we choose with these two things as our main reasons.
Feelings are important and need to be validated. This is for certain. But we don’t need to act on them to do this.Heck, who knows where we would all be if we acted on every single feeling we had.
Which brings me to my next fact: There ARE some behavioral limits we have set without even knowing. We ARE capable of not acting on our feelings.
So why then, must we continually put feelings and wants at the forefront of our decision making?
Another problem when we choose based on feelings:
We need to assess how we are making the majority of our decisions. And if a lot of them are founded on feelings and desires, to rewire that.
Into logic or common sense. To practicality or rational. For the consideration of others. For long-term prospects or security.
Once we start the shift, it will get easier.