I’m a decade behind in mental documents, the kind that breeches all codes of present so vehemently it’s often mistaken as the actual.
The moments we don’t remember, but that are so deep in our corners and layered with patchwork and quick but organized fixes, we do not realize they exist.
But they do and we take them into everything that we do.
And until we let them surface- or recognize when they do- and feel them out and make the decision to let them go,
they will be our baggage.
Its easier to be mindful when you put your mind to it.
And when we have the choice to leave on a bad note or a better one-and we always have that choice- we know which one to choose. Not always the easiest, but always the best.
When you leave, leave with as much love in place as possible.
Your clock turns my times into believable spells of intuition. The way your time collapses onto my shoulder every few months doesn’t confuse me anymore. Your hands are moved by love, your seconds spew bullets of man made hope and the days you long for are the ones that would tick to the beat of my belly. But oh great one; the forever of your time can’t be connected with mine because your fear of our past is the Wall of Prevention.
The colours blurred their concerns, tucking possibilities under their layers. Coatings of secure tapped systematically into wardrobes of bravery and the space knew it was ready to be willing.
Frenzied globes in excitement broke open in glee and all parts of all worlds in every crevice, leaked beautifully. Upon contact courage sprang to feet, possibilities uncovered sunk it’s teeth into colour and the merge of all things was clear, right, and the only.
We change our internal story mega. When we look back on the reasons why we did things, we can lay blame on ourselves and layer it up with regret. We can forget the real reason why we did what we did. When we were in that situation, in the heat of all that was going on in our life, leaving our partner was maybe the only thing that made sense at that time. Turning down that job was the best thing you could have done. We lose the basis of our then decision by our change of perspective that comes with the now. We over analyze with what ifs, the I should haves, the guilt.
By changing the story we become less connected with self and more connected to the story we created.
In accepting you made the choice you did and trusting that at that time it was the one to make, you let go of worry and stress and the tension those two things inevitably bring to the present.
We can’t be where we want to be if we are continually rereading the story that’s already
written on the pages of our Past.