I’ve had a little bit of an emotional breakthrough.
My heart after 27 years, has felt a new frickin thing.
It’s called love.
Okay. So I love my child.
But loving a man ( not a boy ), my age ( not 24 years younger ), is a really really cool, large, deal.
Okay. So I thought I loved my husband.
That to me, is now in my books labelled as ‘in love’.
And you know what?
There’s a gigantic difference in that book of mine.
I will likely write about that differance in a seperate poast. Wow. I just wrote post as poast.
My heart has been in heaves the past two days.
I drove to work yesterday breathing as fast as a hyena who’s run 14 k.
So much so that I started getting lightheaded and the windows fogged up. The defrost was on full blost too.
Here I am knowing I’m about to launch a spray of my brainworks,heartworks- and whatever other works I’ve got in the unknown makings-by me, at you guys.
The next few posts may be of a repetitive nature, but hey- sometimes we become consumed in soaking in our feelings.
And that’s not too bad of a thing.
I have a lot of reasons to be sad.
We perhaps, all do.
I have more reasons to be sad now, then I think I have had in my whole lifetime.
But thinking back to my sad times when I was 14, or 21, or even 25.
They don’t ever seem as big as the big sad things now.
With experience comes some deeper sadness within and with age comes responsible stages which-when they get messed up, seem even more like life is forever done and over with.
Which leads me to my next point.
If these big bad things in my life are the biggest they are because they are the current and most recent and in 10 years from now they will seem like they are little symbols of my still-ever growing up youth, then what’s the point of dragging them out and being stuck in them.
If they are going to be grains of sand on a beach in the end, why stay sad when being sad is the only thing keeping you from being a happy human.
And I really do wonder about it. And before I google or youtube or roosterdock it,
I like to get my thoughts out and in order and figured and oh, who am i kidding. They don’t get figured out.
well, age. And drinking. I’m almost 27 and I drink daily and well, I just wonder if that’s what it’s like for the rest of the almost 27 year old family. Well. any few years above or below that. Oh. That sounds like I’m beliddling the low. But I’m not. I assure you.
In this generation, do we, are we.. like this?
Is it the year of the drink and the year of this is what makes us happy and what all the people around us are doing so we do it. and sometimes it goes beyond a night out but during the day and by day i mean morning. Is this what it is like? Does it stop? Is it a worrysome feature in our life? Or is it a clickerton. Where you hit 30 and BAM you’re off the rocks and vod and Monday morning doesn’t mean a ceaser with your bacon. Is THAT what happens?
Well, I don’t know. I know that I drink a lot. But I’m not afraid of it. Maybe I should be. I know it means I have some issues I’m not dealing with. Somedays I think, okay, my mind should really be clear for all of this. To think of stop drinking altogether. But then I think why.
I drink instead of eat and maintain a good weight because of it. So you know, that’s a nice.
I’ve never been overweight and maybe at this age, this is my diet. And it works decently enough.
Or maybe I’m just drunk and I have no idea what I’m talking about.
thoughts and sayings, come from SOMEWHERE. ALL the time. It doesn’t matter how absurd it seems. Everything
comes from somewhere.
Even what you’re thinking about as you read this.
You drunk soul you.
Hee and Lee Um.
Two twin boys with the last name Um.
Lived in a balloon.
And instead of being born and being young, they swooshed into the balloon at age 22, and slowly deflated down to a 2. And when they were here, they let out a cheer, and left the home of their balloon.
I am now 25.
25 is one of those numbers that feel.. like it’s a lot more than the previous one.
22 and 23 doesn’t seem like much of a stretch.. But with 25, I am no longer in my early twenties.
This is me and my brothers.
And me with my son,sister and Mom.
Dad is working in Brazil or else he would be present.