Choosing Choices

I’m gonna buy a little point and shoot. A little camera shot, instead of tequila.
I’m gonna buy a little knowledge. I am on a ledge and I know it.

I’m gonna burn my tongue on fireworks, just to make the fire work.
Gonna warm my hands like my heart hasn’t ever been cold.

This is a blast into a wallless arena.

And I make the walls and the choices and I abide by them and the hallways that are created.
Sometimes, there are windows though. And they’re big enough for me to fit through.

I’m gonna crawl through one like I’m a baby again.

The sun feels better outside.
And I’ve been inside for too long.

 

 

 

 

 

 

Lightweight EarthStage

Putting on ballons. To wear them running.
Attatched as well, with lightweight fabric that the wind is going to do nothing but caress.

Soul of lightweight touch too.

Strands of hair dancing in wild with the strands of light.
that filter through the branches of all the trees.

Feather pockets and around neck and tugging fabric at all your skins creases.
The weathers amusement.

The trees brand of entertainment.

Coddling the grass with toes.
Devouring gulps of air that’s falling into darker states.
As the sun sets
lighter than all the shadows.
on the stage of light

Ballooing into a lighter being of adventurous.

 

 

Air Breathing

If air was a breathing
technique,
we’d all be dead.

We’d be too focused on
everyday nothings
on divorce,breakups,
hurts,aches and all
and we’d all be dead
because air would be our
second nature.

We’d have no technique
no good for the air
We’d be smoke in suffocation,
worrying about the big things
that are SMALL

If air was a breathing
techinque,
we’d all be dead.

Breaking Down in the Last Week

My head is spinning and I’m whirling myself into people’s arms hoping to make some impact.Hoping they won’t be able to forget me and I am neglecting my child and own sister and mother and it hits me today that going back is going to be harder than ever before. Not exactly the leaving part. But the living there part. I have now experienced this life with friends and child.I have finally combined them too in a rapid pace and I am clinging to it.
I have no energy for my child. I am pushing him away as I step outdoors and gulp the last of this air. The people glow. I am feeling guilty and worn and my voice is half gone. I am pushing myself on 5 hours of sleep at night. I am doing as much as I can in the time I have. I am getting frantic and simple things are now making me whimper. Planning to meet people is becoming difficult and I am snapping at my mother.
My ends are unravelling and I feel at this point I have no control. Nor do I want to. My eyes are set on here and now. On the stuff that I won’t have for much longer. I tell myself I’ll be better in Thailand. That I’ll fix this madness. That there won’t even be anything to fix. But deep down I know, something is up. I’m not a good mother here and I don’t know if I will be as good of one over there as I was before I left to visit Canada.
I am scared.
I am emotional.
I am breaking down.