I’ve eaten about 6000 M&Ms and the like.
But the major and the bestest is : my mind feels a lot clearer. I feel more like myself with more upbeat thoughts and when I do have weigh me down thoughts, I grab a bag of chips, yes, but I also don’t just immediatly think death.
I am forcing myself to think positive future forward thoughts.
And it’s kinda working. So that’s..
I don’t really care that I have the belly on me of an 20 week old fetus inside a belly of a 20 week pregnant woman.
No guys, I’m not pregnant.
I just haven’t drank booze in 5 days.
The thing is: I feel happier AND healthier.
As absurd as that seems because I’ve been seen shovelling chips, chocolate chips and coconut slivers in my mouth left right and straight.
It doesn’t matter. I still feel happier and know that in due time, when all this crazy subsides, I’ll run or eat better. This is the way I’m going about the process of zero percent of alcohol in my system. Yeah sure there are healthier ways out there, but this is what is working for me and if I have to work it all off in a few weeks time, so be it. I believe in me.
You kinda gotta step back a few when you’re finding empty bottles of booze in crevices around your main functioning area. I found two wine bottles in my pile of clothes and one vodka in the basement closet beside some shoeboxes.
I found one bottle under my bed and another stuffed in my underware drawer.
I only remember putting some of them where I found them.
Well now they’re all in my recycle bin ready for glass blowers to make something beautiful out of the disaster they were making me.
I’m guzzling down soda water as if it’s gonna fill me up with helium and float me off to EvertheNever Land.
I’m in the beginning process of trying to stop drinking booze.
I don’t normally tell people what my plan is;whether it’s to lose five pounds, to spend 100 bucks a month on clothing instead of 300 or to be a better person.
I just do it.
For I find intimidation in revealing an attempt.
As if vulnerablity is my own failure.
But this time around,
I don’t really care.
Which is kind of bad.
I don’t really think my heart is in it.
It musn’t be.
a’guzzlin I shall go.