Learning Thai

I just had an hour foot massage.
During this time I had a conversation with a Thai woman, all in Thai.
It made me realise a few things.
My Thai has dribbled away into drops that are on the verge of evaporation and that my desire to learn the language
is gone.

It also started the other day when I skyped with my Dad who asked me if I was learning any more Thai.
It wasn’t until after I had said no, that I realised he was the one that had paid for my enrollement in 2010 at Ramkhamhaeng University. ( Yes, try pronouncing THAT right ) Which included a course of the Thai Language. Oh heck I learned alot in those few months. My brain was as switched on as it ever has been.
But my point is, I have disapointed him and myself. I had him even get me an apartment close to the school, so I could really live in Bangkok and focus on learning. Even though we both didn’t know I’d be staying longer than him at the time, I had said I wanted to be able to speak well, even if I only had a year left in Thailand. ( Two years later… )

In 2011, I had even begun looking for more courses to pursue my desire to learn the stuff.
Once pregnancy hit, POOF, I was out of the game and I didn’t even know it.

Even though we have at least another year here, if not two, I know now that I am even further away from learning the language then I was when I first moved here.
And it is because of the defeat. The lacking, the embarresement, the complete giving up notion that we all have experienced in our lives.

The words sound more foreign to me coming out of my mouth then they did when I first began learning.
If you don’t use it, you lose it.
I believe in that more than ever now.

Saying all this though, I do believe I have come to an acceptance of the whole thing.
I know too much of me is outside of this country and that I keep going back to it, looking beyond what is right in front of me.. and that’s something I have to work on.
But I do not think it is worth it now, to struggle with learning more of this language.
I have come to an understanding that the weight of it affects myself far too much,as well as my son and husband, and is more of a burden than anything.
and I’m okay with that.

ūüôā

My Experience at Bangkok Pattaya Hospital

All along I didn’t have as much faith in the hospitals here in
Thailand as I did for Canada. Not necessarily skillwise  but culture
wise. What’s most common. Or the fact I’m white.¬† That they would give
me a C section to get more money from us. Or feed my baby a bottle
when I had asked them not to. I just didn’t trust them. Concerns like
these that mounted over the months.
I’m not saying I ever fully did trust the staff. But I knew I was in
good hands. It was the best hospital we could have went to in the
area. If not in all of Thailand.

Our doctor I felt, was very abrupt at the beginning. I had wanted her
to tell me what she was going to do when she asked me to go up on the
table. I wanted to know things, to be told them so I wasnt laced with
confusion.

In the end I came to understand how we would work.
I’d¬† ask the hundred questions, even if on repeat, and she would answer
then to the best of her ability.
She was great. I am happy we went with her because she made me
feel like a pro in the end. And she wasn’t getting paid extra for that.

We may never know if our little Zeek needed to spend two nights in
ICU. Maybe we could justify one, but 48 hours? Apparently he had
swallowed too much fluid. And so when I saw him for the first time he
was in the clear box with two tubes in his mouth and an IV line in his
right hand.
He looked rough then but by the next day they had removed the mouth
tubes. I held him then for the first time and cried .
Our bill ended up being double what we expected at Bangkok Pattaya
Hospital… due to the ICU. Other than that the nurses were all very
helpful and nice, the recovery room was great, food wasn’t too
terrible and the doc came by to check up  on us a few times .

I’m pretty sure the entire birthing staff saw my boobs from day one. But
in the need if it all, it didn’t bother me.
I had a baby to feed and dang well if I was gonna scout out a lone
feeding space while my new baby was screeching.

It’s difficult to believe that only three weeks ago today it all
happened.
I stepped into the realm of motherhood.
And¬†I sit so comfortably in the fact that I won’t¬†ever not be in it.

From here on out.