The Enough

When will you decide the enough? You have all the chances, all the ins to all the outs. This one living experience is so intrinsic and chaotic. I realize this more and more with time. And each action, each choice has a hibernating root. Each enough you choose- and when- is derivative of a connection along the way of this life. When will you decide your ‘enough?

Electric

The Christmas spirit sure drives moving anchors. Im grounded but I am growing. Time will fall out of its cabin, like I will crawl from my cocoon. i am not waiting for anything to click, i am just choosing celery over poptarts on a regular basis. i must instill patience. Even popcorn takes two minutes to become its edible cloud puff.
Internal electric does its course and i can be the source of forward moment. I just have to be best friends with Time .

Reality and Perspective

I don’t always understand what I see but reality has a quality that can blind us, thwart us or call us beautiful.And the real cool magical spice behind that is, our reality is largely based on our very own perspective. Our angle determines what shapes and sizes we see. There are positions we choose to be in and ones we don’t have control over,  and what we have decided or not decided to be within us, is where our view becomes what the reality is.

When I think of reality I think of conditioned hair with the ability to choose our own shampoo. We are a product of our past, conditioned to our experiences. But it does not mean we cannot outgrow, differ or tweak what we were ‘supposed’ to believe in. We can change our type of shampoo.We are all hairdressers even if we’re bald. I’m not one nor am I,  but I do understand my hair.

Our perspective on reality gets more realer the more we invest on learning the whys and the hows of individuals and situations.
We can align with the core of us, and recognize that everyone else has a core too, and by putting forth effort in having more experiences that differ, the more perspective we have.

We gloom , we glee, we get closer to a bigger reality.

 

Choosing Choices

I’m gonna buy a little point and shoot. A little camera shot, instead of tequila.
I’m gonna buy a little knowledge. I am on a ledge and I know it.

I’m gonna burn my tongue on fireworks, just to make the fire work.
Gonna warm my hands like my heart hasn’t ever been cold.

This is a blast into a wallless arena.

And I make the walls and the choices and I abide by them and the hallways that are created.
Sometimes, there are windows though. And they’re big enough for me to fit through.

I’m gonna crawl through one like I’m a baby again.

The sun feels better outside.
And I’ve been inside for too long.

 

 

 

 

 

 

Ebb and Flow

Sometimes I find myself in a closed room sipping on sugar cubes of my past. I keep taking from the same bowl, these perfect little fresh six sided sweets.
I feel the sides, I take the angles and I let dissolve and I let absorb.
Again
and again.

Like with too much of anything, my insides will begin to cringe and unfold their exasperation and disapproval.

Every once in awhile, I step inside this place where I roll in the mud of my past. I let myself feel awful for my decisions. I pull in blame and frustration and I coat the whole room in these colours. I am angry and I am determined. I can’t do anything but eat the sweets that turn so sour, to crawl into cave where all I do is feel bad and wonder how I could have messed up so terribly.

Deep down I know. I truly do know. I had to do my past the way that I did so that I could reach where I have. I do align myself with motivation and self awareness, help and understanding, yet these spaces of time come to me strong every so often. I don’t remember ever really pushing them away, but at least now I know that I have the ability to climb out. That in another day or four, I’ll be positive and upbeat again.
I’ll soak in my sweet sweet truth of my life; everything from my perspective to the actual. I’ll make myself sick with consumption of my frustration and feeling of stuck.
When I’m done doing that, I’ll lay in sun and let myself soak that. I’ll let myself be sick on content and the ever always, ebb and flow of life.