Admit the Affect

Im starting to admit how much the last two years has impacted me. i believe i was denying it because i wanted to have risen above it, shrug it off like i was impervious to it.

i think the greater power lies in being honest with oneself.

either the way, the affects will take place and when that is more so accepted and understood, the better starting point you have with dealing with it .

Electric

The Christmas spirit sure drives moving anchors. Im grounded but I am growing. Time will fall out of its cabin, like I will crawl from my cocoon. i am not waiting for anything to click, i am just choosing celery over poptarts on a regular basis. i must instill patience. Even popcorn takes two minutes to become its edible cloud puff.
Internal electric does its course and i can be the source of forward moment. I just have to be best friends with Time .

Simmering Chaos

Warm swirling energetic chaos simmering inside- like a turtle about to start a race.
You know you’re about to do great things.

The mind is so powerful. Can make or break your moment, your hour, your day.
It’s difficult for those that struggle with taking control. To readjust your head, be authoritative and administer the care and direction.
It is very worth it. And will continue to need tuning, and realignment. Sometimes you will react poorly to a comment and forget that you have the ability to regulate.

And sometimes these nice sugar dust brain waves, pair perfectly with that simmering chaos and you will know how beautiful it all is.

A Meal for Two

Relationship with my eight year old son strained
like raw spaghetti rigid in the sink
and when you toss those toothpick noodles against the wall
nothing sticks.

The sauce burnt on the stove
even though I like the smell because it smells like I cooked something nice
like how I created my son without looking at a recipe
or the ingredients.

Who measures out sperm or eggs?

So here I struggle, while he stirs the pot
of boiling brain temperatures of mine
and racing heart.

The perfect dish of basil and mushroom spaghetti doesn’t exist
but getting my hands dirty and paste splattered on my apron
that I don’t even wear because my whole body is a canvas for stains,
is this process that at least
I can use to become better
at

making the dish of Life
sticky and sweet
enjoyable.



It’s Inside

Sometimes dramatic thoughts and not thinking about the realistically or literally or common sensically, way, is fun. It’d endearing to my own self. I believe in it . For the fun. For the youthfulness.
And standing on that once upon a time wizard feel, is a fantastic. I feel the confidence that comes with being proud. that’s easy to feel when you have the audience praise popping around the stage of life you’re making. And when you don’t , when you find that the spark’s been sucked up, or you cant light wet ash, you create the fire,you become the rest of the part you stumbled with.
In growing older, you question whether you are being the so young so too much and you wonder about the crowd u want to attract
.
And once you realize the place you want to exist in for yourself, you can love that you can know the power in the relationship you make with who you are.

Give Your Gift

Let us lean into the uncomfortability. That vulnerability that each of us possess but yet often times do not activate or display. We are afraid of showing each other who we are.

Consider a present you are so excited to give someone. Whether you had to save four months to purchase it, or it took you six weeks to make. Think of that feeling. What if we felt the same way when we give the gift of who we are, to other people? Give your gift, the gift that only you can.

If you Can, You Are

If you can hate someone, you have the ability to love them.
If you love someone, they have the ability to break your heart.
If your heart is broken,you and Time are able to repair it.
If you are complete, you can give all you’ve got.

And when you can give all that you’ve got, and it is all that you have,

you are giving yourself
a life of love.