Your being is closer, the sapphire fragrance of your inner child stands tall among the adult reeds. And my hands dribble through the adequate possibility, catching the stickiness of the long stems between my fingers. Making sense of today, the future.
Relationship with my eight year old son strained like raw spaghetti rigid in the sink and when you toss those toothpick noodles against the wall nothing sticks.
The sauce burnt on the stove even though I like the smell because it smells like I cooked something nice like how I created my son without looking at a recipe or the ingredients.
Who measures out sperm or eggs?
So here I struggle, while he stirs the pot of boiling brain temperatures of mine and racing heart.
The perfect dish of basil and mushroom spaghetti doesn’t exist but getting my hands dirty and paste splattered on my apron that I don’t even wear because my whole body is a canvas for stains, is this process that at least I can use to become better at
making the dish of Life sticky and sweet enjoyable.
I aim for sugar dirt. Crusted in your burnt bacon. I’ll bend so far I won’t feel my big toe, stuck in salsa that you dripped down the stove just to see it travel from top to bottom like our slow touches that give us freedom to love our flavoured beauty.
Sometimes dramatic thoughts and not thinking about the realistically or literally or common sensically, way, is fun. It’d endearing to my own self. I believe in it . For the fun. For the youthfulness. And standing on that once upon a time wizard feel, is a fantastic. I feel the confidence that comes with being proud. that’s easy to feel when you have the audience praise popping around the stage of life you’re making. And when you don’t , when you find that the spark’s been sucked up, or you cant light wet ash, you create the fire,you become the rest of the part you stumbled with. In growing older, you question whether you are being the so young so too much and you wonder about the crowd u want to attract. And once you realize the place you want to exist in for yourself, you can love that you can know the power in the relationship you make with who you are.
Let us lean into the uncomfortability. That vulnerability that each of us possess but yet often times do not activate or display. We are afraid of showing each other who we are.
Consider a present you are so excited to give someone. Whether you had to save four months to purchase it, or it took you six weeks to make. Think of that feeling. What if we felt the same way when we give the gift of who we are, to other people? Give your gift, the gift that only you can.
If you can hate someone, you have the ability to love them.
If you love someone, they have the ability to break your heart.
If your heart is broken,you and Time are able to repair it.
If you are complete, you can give all you’ve got.
And when you can give all that you’ve got, and it is all that you have,
Blank, you know ?
It doesn’t have a living brain to remember the last canvas you did.
It’s today; always blank, without any notion you painted yesterday all black
or ate a 549 calorie sized dessert.
It’s today, you know? Blank like you’ve never brought brush to white.
It’s just like that.
If we discontinued our lashing out at people and slow motioned our time with our reactions, I think we’d find a lot less irritable of a person inside of us.
I get that reactions are initial. They’re quite beautiful in that respect. Your response is beautiful in just the opposite way. You DO have time.
It’s like feeding the heart celery. As you make the decisions to respond after letting yourself think, you gain the creation of a possible habit and lose 6 pounds of ego centered mud.
Half the time do we even want to respond wearing a coat of anger?
Shedding that will take time and practice but we’ll feel a lot lighter and have less resistance towards people around us.
Besides, after a situation in reacting poorly, how many times does it return to a safe, comfortable place again?
So just skip the part where you insult others and just be collected and calm to begin with. That will generate enough good loving warmth that makes wearing the damn coat severely impractical.