A Country Break Up

I think I thought I would miss Thailand more than I do.
I do ride on waves and big wind gusts of the stuff sometimes. But it isn’t very frequent at all. And it’s easy to get off of them.

Since moving back to Canada in September of 2014, I have been conscious-and still am- when it comes to Asian stuffs. ┬áI refuse to have any contact in any form with Thai friends. I don’t let myself scroll through there Facebook pages or Instagram accounts. When I see Asians out in public I do find myself staring and feeling a deep connection. But that is really all I allow myself. Partly because I cannot control the sight of them, and partly because running in the opposite direction just doesn’t seem like a good thing to do.
I’ve found that it spills out an over abundance of connection to the country and memories and feelings that I consider to be ┬áinterference’s.

It’s kind of like a break-up. Emotional connections don’t just ‘zip’,’zilch’ out of your life. It takes time. You’ll still see things or hear music that reminds you of them, and that’s part of the whole process. The duration of it depends on the person.

Thailand will always be a part of my life. I had my son there and he’s a quarter Asian, for goodness sake. I am not against the country or it’s people but by cutting out as much contact with it, it has helped me lesson the emotional attachment I had pertaining to that part of my life. Coming to the understanding that I do not miss it because I have not made a place for that miss to build, is a reassuring, refreshing analysis in my life.
I am capable of doing that with other categories. I can avoid the dangerous, tempting spots. I just make a conscious effort and ‘voila’, time gets it.
Time will always get it.

Bond Between Parent and Child

Lately I’ve been pretty emotional when it comes to my 20 month old and I.
Watching him intently, tears move in with all there bags and furniture.

And they set up home nicely in my heart.

The bond between parent and child is not something that is frequently brought to attention. People don’t come up and say ‘ Hey, I noticed the connection you have with your child; it is wonderful to see!’ People are more likely to say things like, ‘ Has she started solids yet?”, ” When did he start walking? “, and ” What brand of diapers do you use?”.

Perhaps we don’t address the bond because we expect it to be there.Maybe it is because it is not as obvious to the eye. That to make the comment and for it to be genuine, means digging a bit deeper.

I wonder if we consciously looked for that,what would happen.
If,when out at a playground or play group, we looked for details of a great connection between parent and child.

And I wonder if we spoke up, and if we told them that we had seen it,what it would do.
I don’t think the foundation of respect matters much in this case. That even if there was no previous encounter for a level of respect to be established, the compliment would still stand.

And eventually sit.
In a parents heart.

Parents can know and feel the love for their child. They don’t need people to point it out for them. But we like compliments. We all do. And they stick with us for months, even years later.
I put on a pair of shoes or a shirt,knowing someone said they had liked them, months ago.
Your Aunt Beth likes that dish of potatoes and cream cheese you make every Christmas. You remember that as you’re sprinkling the spices in.

We don’t need compliments or recognition to be good parents.
But it helps to know that we’re not the only ones experiencing it.
That having children, unites us in a way we don’t understand.

I get sad sometimes thinking about how my family doesn’t get to see it. That they don’t get to see my son and I grow together. Sometimes it makes sending pictures or videos difficult. Because I know that that doesn’t capture it.
It doesn’t capture what I am so proud of.

When people talk to us about our connection with anything, it inevitably adds to that current. Talking about an interest of ours can make the passion for it, obvious all over again.
Sometimes the obvious over time, gets lost. Sometimes we forget why we enjoy something. Sometimes all we remember, is just that we do.

We know we love our children.
But sometimes the passion for raising them gets overrided by all the emotional upheavels. The frustrations,the guilt,the stress. The routines,the pressures,the focus.

So in pointing out an appreciation or an admiration for something more in depth then ‘your kid can really count’, the possability in reviving a lost obvious, is born.

Sometimes, that’s the motivation which pushes us to continue being good parents.
And sometimes, that’s the motivation that pushes us to be better.