You can be healing and hurting at the same time.
I got a rush of excitement when I thought of the confidence that will be building. That I know I will have at the end of this. Believing is not just a step, it must be the spring in the steps I take.
Sometimes there are specific steps to getting to where you want to go. But I think we lose sight of the ones that should be consistent. Marriage is a good example. You don’t just take steps to get to a good marriage. You walk in it with the desire that all steps are FOR the marriage, that all are to better it.
In my process of becoming a better person, I realize that a lot of the steps I must begin to take, are ones that I must keep taking.
Dieting gets you down to a goal weight but to maintain that weight, you must make that diet a lifestyle.
So here’s to making the steps I take, steps that make my Life.
Unlike other animals, babies don’t see danger.
They will repeatedly fall off the bed. They will try and suck on pennies and reach for knives. They will put bugs in their mouth and fall down the stairs.
Why are they built like that?
To me, it is so that the parent or care-taker, has to be around. It is our human nature to want to prevent bad things happening to our children and if all our babies knew what not to do when it came to danger, that’d make for a smaller amount of time around them. The nurturing process would be less involved and perhaps that bond wouldn’t be as strong.
Animals are different.
Baby Cubs know to get away from a tiger. They know they can’t fly so they don’t jump off cliffs. Certain types of fish know they can’t swim at a depth beyond 100 metres-so they don’t swim deeper than that.
Everyday I watch my baby learn.
But no matter how many times he rolls off the bed, he will continue to do it.
Even though he does not understand it or realise it, that is why I am there.
I am not only wanted, I am needed.
And that is a pretty darn special feeling!
The last two weeks have been a continuous range of frustration and disappointment. My brain I feel, has been melting. Into liquid puddles that drip out of my ears.
I don’t know why it is all of a sudden. But I know it has been a long time coming.
The main line is. I feel dumb.
I don’t know if any of you have felt this way after living abroad for so long. I don’t know if it will go away or if the thought and the feeling will continue to pop up until I am back in my home country .
I actually get confused as to whether it is more of a thought or a feeling.
Sometimes I wonder where my brain really is.
I don’t wonder if it would be happening in Canada because I know that it wouldn’t. My mind isn’t to turned on here. And so I guess I should be taking steps to prevent the puddles I’ve got left, from dripping out entirely. Maybe I can splash around and build stuff and make this liquid productive. Things that my husband point out in which I feel like an idiot for not seeing or noticing. No one ever tells me I’m dumb so this is all in a home in my head.
It’s got small windows so no sun stains or dust are around. It is clean because Dumb is tidy and wants to stay long. I had no qualms with him until he began pounding on the walls of the hallways. He thinks this is okay because this is what he thinks he’s supposed to do.
I will start renting out to Smart and I will let Smart be right next door to Dumb and I will see how Smart stops the dripping.
Dumb will not conquer me!