You cant keep blocking or ignoring the feelings. They can swim. You cant drown them with alcoholic ice or drugs. Numbing them doesn’t make them flee forever. You will always come back to them in some way or another if you don’t properly work through them, with them. Your freedom-to live happier, is worth it.
I took myself away from myself.
I sacrificed the best parts of me, so that I could live loosely, irresponsibly and carelessly and make myself believe that was the only way I could be happy.
I knew I was lying to myself all those years. And I didn’t pull any of the better parts of me out , to change what I was.
I let myself get bigger, cry over the things I refused to handle, and stepped far in to the inability to deal with issues properly.
I knew all the right steps. I knew what I had to do, but I was too dependent on the darker side. By letting it consume me, I could feel less, be further away and disconnected from my tough choices.
I got too good at being so bad.
I wonder what we’re all striving for.
It seems obvious at times.
But the more posts I read on life and love, relationships and health, there always seems to be a dark donkey galloping in and out of the words.
Like we’re all wanting validation and attention. Wanting to be liked, sitting in our world of sigh-brr; claiming keys to joy and longevity, but underneath having lack of.
Maybe we’re never supposed to be entirely happy. So that we push ourselves continually, to find and be a better.
When we were late teening or early twentying, it didn’t seem that difficult, did it?
So what’s the change besides the thousand more responsibilities and the entire difference in what living then meant to living now.
If there are fundamentals of us yet we’re always changing, where does that leave us?
If we accept everything that life is, and we do it enough that it becomes a habit, then we’re rolling through the evergreens with the sun blazing, rain pouring, sun falling or sun popping up,
and are fine.
Acceptance is stability.
Accepting we’re allowed to be sad, the amount of sad, the anxiety, the lulls in life, our favourite songs, our opinions and our taste buds..
accepting all the bad and good
Now just deal with that acceptance.
If we are conscious of feelings, we are better able to accept and deal with them. We must accept that we are going to disappoint ourselves a hundred and six times more, accept the love we feel. All feelings, are teachers that you and I can continually learn from. No matter how many times we feel angry when child draws on the legs of the table or when an appliance breaks for the 4th time. When we feel frustrated or hopeless, we are given an opportunity.
An opportunity to deal better than the last time, to make the outcome more positive.
And how we deal with what we feel, whether it’s after we’ve felt it or as we are,
is how our Life is represented.
The better we get at guiding our dealings into a positive stream, the more happier we are with the Life we are CHOOSING to live.
We have to make sure we are not holding onto negative balloons or walking a negative tight rope. We have to make sure we are not baking negative cookies or bread or concocting negative smoothies that bubble when you sip them.
A lot in life, has to do not only with your awareness, but how you deal.
We live in the same space as thousands of others. We will cross over the same streets and drive over the same bridges. We will see people we will only see once. We will see people that we will marry, we will see happy and sad, stress and glee.
Everyone’s got their own separate story.
And you aren’t going to know about it, just that it exists.
People are going to cut in front of you, they are going to be moody when handing you your drink, they are going to laugh when you trip and not always smile even when you do.
Sometimes grandparents may have just passed, or dogs may have been hit, maybe nothing at all has really happened in their life to make them the miserable they appear to be. Since you are not going to know, you have to treat them as if something has.
It’s not easy.
But it does get easier.
Sometimes you will be in that funk of negative and you will need smiles and generosity to bring you out.
So remember that when someone doesn’t hold the door open for you or slams your change into your hands. Remember that when someone bumps into you and doesn’t apologize or when someone you work with is rude to you.
It will happen.
Just know how to deal with it.