Make Being a Habit

I am not on good behaviour. I AM it. I am not dieting with happiness. I AM it.
I have good disposition and awareness, the desire to be in a positive ball of change.
I’ll roll and I’ll roll and if I wipe out-because I often do- I have made it the habit to pick myself up and dust off the drips from my eyes,  pat my bruises and smirk a little.

I have made it automatic to have Pride walk in and hug me after each time I get up.
And thats Motivation being cool and taking my hand. Which keeps me being the ball of positive and bouncing back up and off of walls.
This is not behaving good or feeling tremendous or hoping for the best.
It is BEING good. BEING tremendous. BEING the best.

Being isn’t tempermental.
It’s a life long habit of wonderful wonderful things you get to choose.

 

Do being right.

 
You can’t go wrong.

 

A Way To Handle Negative

A man named Negative. He throws himself at you wanting to craze up your innards and make ya combust into specks of nothing. Negative wants ALL of us doomed to specks! It wants to take over the world and if we let it, it will.

So here’s how we’re gonna stop it.

Let’s take self. We’re gonna build up an immune system to Mr.Neggypants and we’re gonna start with that ingrained desire to live happily. We’re not going to attack, we’re going to be slow mo human bots for a little while until we get the hang of this.
When Negative enters into our life zone, whether it has surged in and caught us off guard or  eased over the lines, we’re not going to overreact. We are going to be the slow charge that releases an air of nonchalance. We’re not going to give it the satisfaction of our shock, distaste,sadness or our fury. Cause’ that’s the stuff it feeds off of and it will eat it ALL and when it’s finished that, it will want MORE.
We are the mighty, the strong, and we’re going to prove it.

If we view Mr. Negative as a poor lost speck himself; bored and alone, a sad creature stuck in a realm of beauty, ( that’s me and you ) well, he’s a lot easier to conquer.
Show him you’ve switched the controls around to YOU.
Take THAT, Mr. Negative.

You won’t be able to stop him from popping into your life entirely so when he comes around you can say, ” Yah, I know you- but yo, you are not turning me into dust, man. ”   With your continual resilience you are building a resistance.
Eventually, your reactions get smoother, you’re more grounded in confidence and the effect of Negative becomes less negative and more…well…positive. 
Prove to yourself and to everyone around you, that your life is worth so much.
So much in fact, that letting Mr.Negative dissolve you into a speck of nothing is not even the last thing you’re going to let happen.
You’re not going to let it happen at all. 

 

And you’re positive about that.

I Question My Decision

I awoke at 430am with my head launching repeated questions and thoughts of one of my lifes biggest decisons. The mind spinners that make your tummy ache alittle and your heart race a lot. The thoughts that are so powerful you dont even really have space to be angry with them for keeping you up.

Five years ago I made the decision to come to Thailand. Between now and that first decision, I also made the decision to live here. I don’t remember when it was, I don’t even know that there was a specific moment.

And so here I am laying in bed, wondering if I will regret this ten years from now.
Wondering if I will regret leaving behind all my solid friendships, taking myself out of the equations back in Canada and making one new one here. Will I wish that I would have held off? Will I tell myself that I should have let my early twenties be my drunk, silly and friendship-focused days? I feel a bit saddened and sorry, a bit lonely and worried. I feel outside of Canadian life and maybe that won’t ever really go away..

It scares me.
To think that maybe there will come a time when I will question all that I’ve done and wonder why I chose to do what I did. Maybe I will hate myself for having left people I loved, for moving away from so much laughter and happiness.
I think back to those years leading up to my departure. So much overflowing goodness in them that it forces me to question why. Maybe now that those memories are only just that, they have more of a rosey tinge than actuality. Maybe things had petered out and my friendships were dragging. Maybe it wasn’t as fun as I think it to be now. Maybe it got old.
Maybe in the end I won’t understand why, but I will just accept and believe in whatever reasoning it was back then.
I’ll probably have faith in my own self, to know that I did what was best in that time.

These thoughts continue to circle until I reach this deafening point.
I believe that things happen the way they are supposed to and if I did not meet my husband here and if i met him but did not love him enough to stay, then frankly, I couldn’t say I know a love as strong as this.

I have stayed because of love and that reason is the best conclusion I’ve ever had.