We Are Like A Toddler in a Car Seat

We are all like toddlers in car seats. Toddlers who don’t understand that they are being driven to playgrounds, birthday parties where there is cake and treat bags and other kids to play with. Life is the car and we’re actually the driver but sometimes we’re an upset kid who is yelling because we don’t know where it is we are actually headed.
Next time you’re completely busted up because all plans broke loose and where your life might take you next is now not as certain as it once was, remember the toddler in the backseat whining to go back home, refusing to listen to any factual jarble they are being told while they’re on route to a park with slides,swings and cool shizzle like that.

Don’t assume you’re travelling to a prison. Unless your handcuffed and wearing a full coloured jump suit that doesn’t in the least, flatter your skin tone.

You Can Do It To

There is a lot of things we are able to pull aside into our minds and contemplate. To just sit in a room with the thoughts and think and think and think about .
I’ve went through phases where I’d stop and write a physical note down about my specific thought and come back at the end of the day to a page of ridiculous uncorrelated thoughts..and make something really grand with them all.
Those thoughts can be actual occurances. They stem from some truth. And I pride myself on making everyday occurances colourful and beautiful. They are usually simple too. I like to be fun in my head. To laugh at the small things and feel myself getting lighter and looser just because of it . If I am able to create wondrousity from simplicity without overturning the reality, I think that’s rad. If I am able to do all that and skew reality a bit and KNOW that I am, I think that’s radical too. I don’t want to create heavy out of what I can make light of. What’s the use of baggage when we’ve got aerosol cans.

 

 

 

Inside

There’s this distinct pallet of happymess under my skin. I don’t know if it’s because I’m still feeling the percentage of alcohol or whether it’s because I’ve got direction in my heart. It feels pretty, that’s for sure. It feels like confidence. It feels like I don’t want to let it go. 

Suggestive Asking

We do a lot of suggestive asking.
” Doesn’t the grass look a little long?”
” These cups are really old aren’t they”
” Now, how long have we had these chairs dear? It’s been ages since we’ve got new ones.”

It’s a really bad habit.

It’s okay to define what you want by being direct.
It’ll save a lot of frustration and confusion- when your partner,sister,parent or friend, understand exactly what you want from them.

Clear cut questions may seem unappealing and too ugly to apply. But you start asking straight, and then continue asking straight, and you eventually get better at your wording, your tone, and your expressions.
Until they come out nice, and habitual and easy. 
As if there was never a need for them to be curvified in the first place. 

Get going. Go in the direction of being direct, until you ARE direct

 

until being anything other than that,

is the absence of direction.

 

 

 

Life Pondermints

Lately I’ve been thinking about my purpose in life. And also the idea– If I am not living for myself, for who I am, who am I living for? And why.

I think we get into crunches sometimes. And we’re like, ‘ what the heck, how did I get here??’. And it’s kind of a feary feeling.Because if THAT can happen, if we can get somewhere without knowing, who’s to say at which point we’ll end up at the dead point-without knowing?
Oh wait… that scenerio DOES exist.

It’s not to say we can’t end up in GREAT places, wondering how we got there.
But whether the places are of bad quality or of good, if we think hard enough, we’ll likely determine ‘how we got there. Life is pretty tell tale- it’s not all baloney and disjointed burgers of mayhem. But it does have it’s loops of crazy and surprise and mystery.
So if we DON’T figure out how we got to where we are, that’s okay.
Sometimes it’s best if we DON’T know.
But we might never know if we’re supposed to know. Chances are, if we don’t, then we aren’t.

So when I look back to figure out how I got here-well I’m supposed to know. Because I do know. It’s just kind of a weird feeling when I realize being here with a pondering of my purpose for the first time in my life,means that I never pursued potential in it before. It’s just been full of runny eggs,melted yogurt and floating dust particles.

In the past three months I have learned more about myself than I have in three years. That’s a lot of learning.
You would think that with all this new stuffs I’ve got in my pockets, I’d be hop, skip and jump-a-crumpin’ around the earth. ( Okay, so by earth I mean my city )

But NO!
My head is spun out.  It’s like being rewarded 8 different awards and not sure which one to brag about first. It’s like winning the lottery and not knowing what to spend or where to spend the money. It’s like being a new person and not knowing where,or how, to direct yourself.

You can have drives more frequently than others and therefore be considered driven but they all come and go. I’m okay with that, but what does starting my car mean? I know we start at the beginning, but I don’t know where the key to my car is. My heart?

I guess I just want my forward movement to represent the new I am. It shoudn’t be that difficult, but I think reassessing purpose and realizing I was living for nobody at all has really made socks of hesitation for my feet. I’m scared to step anywhere.

But hey,maybe by taking a step in wherever direction, is exactly what I need to figure out where I do or don’t want to step, and give me plans and goals to start mapping my life journey. To start a career of life, by actually choosing what happens in it, instead of just reacting to what does.

Now to stop typing and start doing.
That’s a step, ain’t it?

Life Evaluation

I have begun a reevaluation of my self and life, attempting to straighten things out and then I recognize
 that it actually feels impossible.
And that I really feel I need to see a councilor.
I actually feel a bit messed up.
I am on a flimsy raft of lies, and that raft is on a sailboat of them and that sailboat is on a ship. I’ve been sinking for the past four years.And I can’t get out of the room with the captain seat.Or maybe I should be in it, just steering in a different direction. Or maybe I really should be on a different mobile altogether.
I have read all those fancy quotes and even articles and books, on living a full life and being true to oneself and being honest and love yourself and make good choices and WHAT.
I can know all this and believe it and yet nothing comes from it because well,where does one start?? Not at the beginning,surely. Of course that’s where, but WHAT is that.

Mental Quicksand

Convincing yourself of general happiness.

I’ve had waves of attacking life as it is, recently. By vigoursly being happy with it all. With choices and attitude; and accepting that it is like that and that it is fine like that.

The battle to change big parts of self, seems like exhaust of failed effort.
That I am not winning it.

Taking a different approach seems like a valuable idea.

Actions that are more doable are not necessarily the best of ones,I know.
But I will continue making excuses about my weak and wavering temple of mind.

Not feeling ready to change or not wanting to or because the difficulty level is at a maximum.

Is is because of my current position in life?
Am I trying to run against a current that I haven’t even been able to walk in?
Perhaps letting the current slow, or walking to a place where the white caps are more like ripples and the rocks more like mud, is the better alternative.
And going with the flow instead of against, even a better one.

Getting to a place or creating a space in mind that tells me I’m not battling, but simply living- and loving it.

Oh, how far down can one get when the struggle is only weakening the player.
Before the weakness becomes the injured. The defeated.

A lot of strength comes from pushing through. From riding those waves of uncertainty with direction and purpose. Not changing their momentum or curve, but changing the perception of position.
For if that is where ones mind is strong- in the ability to warp perception and believe in it, then boldness and unwobbled legs will manifest.

And the deepest pool is mind juice.
Where swimming in that stuff long enough does more than just wrinkle skin.

Like quicksand, the harder you flail, the more you move, the faster you sink.

Stop Directing

I’ve seen this happen dozens of times.
It happens with my own child.

Child gets given a new toy. Adult helps get it out of the box. Adult starts puttings pieces together to make what it’s supposed to be.
Child is taken to a new place. The zoo let’s say. ” Let’s go this way to see the zebras!”.

By setting things up for our children, by pushing them to play with a toy the way that it is supposed to be played with, we are taking away their creativity. A moment where there personality can show, where the joy of seeing them make up what they want, exists.
Perhaps the child is interested in the fence. Who cares if you came to the zoo to see some sheep. The child has a desire to bend around wooden posts and it makes him happy.

There are many moments we lose out on simply because we unknownely push our knowledge onto our kids.

Let’s refrain from moulding their minds. Lets let them decide that the cracker wrapper is a blanket for their lego block, that wheels are pillows and hair elastics on the ground are the eyes of what’s underneath.

Stop directing and start seeing blooms of incredible creativity come into play.