I Arrive Here

You do not complete me. 
I am a whole strong individual without you. If you die before me, I will still be here.

I am capable of making myself happy. I can make myself laugh, smile and cry.
I don’t need your love to feel full,
I have my own love
for me. 

And I love to dance with me.

You are not my life. I am my own.
I am beautiful standing alone. 

I do not need you in my life.

I want you.
I choose to want you.

I choose to put my time,energy and love towards you.
I am choosing to let your life be a part of mine.
I am choosing to spend my life with yours.  

I choose to love you
because now,
I am able. 

I am finally whole on my own.

A Way To Handle Negative

A man named Negative. He throws himself at you wanting to craze up your innards and make ya combust into specks of nothing. Negative wants ALL of us doomed to specks! It wants to take over the world and if we let it, it will.

So here’s how we’re gonna stop it.

Let’s take self. We’re gonna build up an immune system to Mr.Neggypants and we’re gonna start with that ingrained desire to live happily. We’re not going to attack, we’re going to be slow mo human bots for a little while until we get the hang of this.
When Negative enters into our life zone, whether it has surged in and caught us off guard or  eased over the lines, we’re not going to overreact. We are going to be the slow charge that releases an air of nonchalance. We’re not going to give it the satisfaction of our shock, distaste,sadness or our fury. Cause’ that’s the stuff it feeds off of and it will eat it ALL and when it’s finished that, it will want MORE.
We are the mighty, the strong, and we’re going to prove it.

If we view Mr. Negative as a poor lost speck himself; bored and alone, a sad creature stuck in a realm of beauty, ( that’s me and you ) well, he’s a lot easier to conquer.
Show him you’ve switched the controls around to YOU.
Take THAT, Mr. Negative.

You won’t be able to stop him from popping into your life entirely so when he comes around you can say, ” Yah, I know you- but yo, you are not turning me into dust, man. ”   With your continual resilience you are building a resistance.
Eventually, your reactions get smoother, you’re more grounded in confidence and the effect of Negative becomes less negative and more…well…positive. 
Prove to yourself and to everyone around you, that your life is worth so much.
So much in fact, that letting Mr.Negative dissolve you into a speck of nothing is not even the last thing you’re going to let happen.
You’re not going to let it happen at all. 

 

And you’re positive about that.

Quaking Sleep

I don’t recall the last time I had a decent sleep. I feel like sleep for me is an extra to life that isn’t necessary and that my body is at its full engine power, keeping me upright and pulling energy from the clouds so that I can do stuff like play cars or stir oatmeal. How long can I go with bumpy sleep? Sleep that catapults me into an empire of weakness, of brain fuzz, of tummy turning, shivering quality.

Maybe if I start wearing socks to bed, it’ll help.

A New Gum

I’m awake before all the others in the house.
But outside I hear the birds and the cars exiting the village.
Even with all the blinds still closed, I know there is a world bustling out there.

I know that people change as time does its thing. I know that people can grow apart because of it. It’s one of those things that I didn’t ever think would happen to my own best friends and myself.
But who was I kidding. An entire year away from them coupled with drastic changes in all our lifes…there’s bound to be some new gum to chew in the package.

I live abroad, away from a fast-paced ride I grew up smiling on. Over the years I’ve adapted to this slow, un-hurryable lifestyle and I’m okay with that because the speedy ride in Canada is something I know I can get back on.
And because I enjoy this snail spin.

Both of my best friends have changed differently. Except for the part where it’s the same. They’ve always had a backbone. An opinion. But now they vocalize it like its the only thing worth selling in the world. They’ve got speech and conversation down pat like I used to. They’ve got bigger words that I haven’t used in years, and I feel alittle overwhelmed and lost.

I don’t have friends here that speak proper English. I have my boyfriend and that is whom I go to with it all. But  I’ve turned into more of a listener, because thats partly how him and I work. So when my friends come over-seperatly mind you, and visit me in my house here, I feel the difference.
I am being spoken at, not to. My thoughts and feelings are belittled because of the easy confidence they sway in. I’ve been aware of which happenings I put my energy towards and so far this dishevelled gum tastes like surprise and confusion.
For now, I leave my two best friends and I with a quieter woman because I have yet to swallow.

Morning Energy

It's really quite note-worthy of how awake one can be one 
morning and how 
absolutly not, another. 
I fine tuned a song on my guitar and cut branches that were
 hiding the garbage can outside. I spent an hour perfecting
 an email, did the sink of dishes, dusted things up high
 and had the urge to swim in the pool.
 All before 8:30 am.
My creative juices do flow. 
Today.
But tommorrow? 
I may as well don a cap of slothery and climb into a bed of lazy leaves. 
Two upbeat days in a row? 
Sheesh, who am I kidding but myself.
But I do kid myself because I am more of one then a sloth. At least for now.
 And longterm I do thank my pops for that one. 
And shorterm I just look at Life in the eyes and smile, 
knowing that from it, I get everything I have.
 I get the happiness that gives me the energy to do what I do in the morning.