There’s Truth Under the Truth

i am sorry i was the one to disturb you
to wake the giant.
i wish it was someone else
and instead, that i was the one to help you become better.

when you learn from this what you will, i will wish not that it never happened for you, but that it was someone else, that it was never me that placed it upon you, but someone else.
for if you haven’t already, you will learn something greater than what you can imagine.
you will be better than you ever have been.

but in the realistic deeper tongue of Truth that I begin to practice,

if i was never the one to make you reach your worst,
i wouldn’t have ever made it to my present best.

In developing this action of looking for honest,

I find myself okay with it being me that crushed your ego and broke your heart.

I accept it because in not doing so, I avoid and deny and ignore the truth of what happened.
If I want to live truthfully, I must accept the truth.

I accept that I broke your heart.
and I am comforted with my belief that eventually, 


you too, will reach your best.

a Nutty experience

I was a cashew rolled up in the carpet
I knew I was a nut but I couldn’t explain it
just that my left shoe was falling off
and my hair was in my eyes.
Ha! As if I couldn’t see my friends
they were peanuts, yeh
but I spent a lot on that jar.
It was engraved glass and tinted loose red.
That night in my sleeping bag living arena,
they say I got out my skillet and began roasting myself.
What else was I going to do with a million and two other things I couldn’t do.
At least they didn’t add salt, because they also tell me,
I was good enough plain.

How to Be a Good Customer

We are all customers.
At some point in our week, our month, we carry that title.

Here’s ways we can be better ones :

  • Sometimes we see people we haven’t seen in a really long time. So we park our carts, swoop in for a hug and let the excitement, feigned surprise, whatever it is, drop out of our faces and land in the aisle that we are…oblivious we are blocking. This old new friend may be speeling on what is new in their life and how the old is really quite new to you because it’s been so long ‘ Has it REALLY been this long Megan!? ‘, but you NEED to interrupt them and move out of the way!
    I get it, I really do- we want it to be as real and unchoppy and least awkward as possible. The last thing we’re focusing on is the slowly growing line behind us and that one behind them? We’re totally ignoring it! It’s easier!
    But no! Make the cut in the convo and use 10 seconds to situate in a more appropriate place.
    Better yet, get their number and schedule a catch-up date!


  • So you see me – the employee- bent over a box of chicken noodle soup, quietly working away. I look up and politely say hello when I see you and you do the same and proceed to walk the decently long amount PAST me to the checkout. Yo. Just tell me you’re going to the counter, that you’re done your shopping. Then you don’t have to be waiting for me when you get there and we both don’t have to feel stupid. Deal? Deal!


  • Please for the love of Peter Pan, ( and if you don’t love him, then Belle !) , don’t get upset with me for something I can’t fix. I understand, you’re frustrated, stressed and I have no idea how your day has been. Of course, you don’t know how mine has been either and all that your madness does for me is make it difficult to continue being nice to other customers. Customers that are you on any other given day. The issue does not get fixed with anger and specially on someone that can do nothing but call the Manager up. If you’re going to be angry about it, at least spare me the wrath and just ask for the head guy in the first place.



  • I know not all machines need to know whether it’s debit or credit you have. And I know it’s part of my job to ask you which one you are using. But please don’t just shove or swipe or tap before we punch it into our computer. Let’s figure out which payment method you’re using and then wait till I say it’s good to go.   Many attempt and get annoyed  when it doesn’t go through all because they were 3 seconds too quick.


  • This may be a really obvious one but I still get the occasional person on their phone. A lady actually paid, kept the bags I had just packed on the counter and proceeded to text while two people stood behind her waiting. Ouch.


  • I know it’s not always the way, but try and shop when you aren’t in a hurry. Everything takes way longer when you are and a lot of times your impatience is obvious and even contagious.


  • Please refrain from wearing headphones?! This may be just a tiny, tacky one that is mostly just personal. But I feel insulted when you show up to pay with them inside your ears- even if the music is turned off. I just feel slightly disrespected.


  • I’ve seen this too many times but it’s one of my bigger pet peeves with customers.
    That 87 year old man? Yeah, he may be slower and about as brittle as chalk, but do NOT weasel your way past him as he’s trying to get his Parkinsons’ hand of coins into his pocket. Only just to plop your items vehemently down on the counter before he has even taken his off, thus left still waiting because I will not begin to scan you through until he is well on his way! Respect the genuine slow of people and be patient. If you’re gonna drop your goods in line because they’re getting heavy,ask the person behind you to hold your spot and snag a basket and vow next time you’ll pick one up on the way in.

So those are some things perhaps we can remember and all get better at practicing!
I know we all slip up every now and then some days are more off then others, but as long as we’re aware and willing to be better.
Happy Shopping either way and remember, everyone just wants a pleasant experience whether it be customers, employees or volunteering mascot children outside of the store. Even vomiting ones IN the store.
Yay, Let’s go Happy Customering now!


Stop Looking For Yourself

I don’t fully understand the whole finding out who we are thing.
We have opinions and morals, we have our perspectives and positions, our perception and our values.
all those are capable of changing.

A 25 year age difference between partners is incredibly wrong to me.
Then I
live in a city where relationships like that are seen everyday.
At first it is weird, uncomfortable and even embarrassing.
In time,
I understand it and it becomes less wrong and more of just the way that it is and eventually, I am happy that I’m an individual that knows it exists.
Moral grounding for that, no matter how ingrained it was in my childhood, evaporates.

And I am then, one idea different.

You see,
we don’t need to go looking for ourselves.

We’re made up of time and experience. Of people, places and animals. Interactions and poor choices and good choices and feelings and learning.

We can have ideas, recognize patterns in our behavior and know our skills and comfort zones. We can know our boundaries, the foods that taste the best in our mouth and the colour that dazzles the greatest in our eyes.

But when you think you’ve found yourself, you’ll just find that there’s more to find. You aren’t a solid .
We just use that idea of finding ourselves because it’s less scary then admitting we’re all just lumps of experience.

And what is life but experience after experience.

So embrace that and kinda just let yourself be a fun, malleable heart beat.
Resisting life is the worsty thing you can do when all it needs you to do, is be.

And how do you be?


You be well, by meaning well.




What Loves you Most

Walking space of edge design,
lobbing all efforts for only you to find.
Blank and colourful, all absorbed,
I’m the one with rusted sword.
Blending time with rich and pure,
daring all breath, of that I’m sure.
I sip on experience to live
well. I dare say you can too
if you give all that you can give
to life; the one who’s in love with you.





Everyone you meet is going to have an opinion. Vocalized or not.
This is one of the parts that make up who they are.

Somewhere in life, they got this opinion. And because your life is different then theirs, you’ll have gathered different ones.

Don’t attack what people have gathered in life.
Embrace that part of them and recognize, it’s okay to feel differently.

Your experiences are yours alone.

And so are theirs.
Respect them.


We Are All Just Learning

I think sometimes we forget that we actually have to learn stuff.

That we aren’t born with all these adequate features that make living seem like something we’ve done a hundred times over.


No. We have to learn behaviours, methods and techniques.We go through trial and error and gain knowledge by failure.

All of THAT, all of the above, takes TIME. It’s called Experience and sometimes it takes 4 of the same mistakes to get it right.

And thats okay.

As long as we are always trying to improve, we can’t be so hard on ourselves or each other. If we don’t embrace the times we mess up, we end up carrying around a whackload of weight that we haven’t learned anything from.

And what good are tomatoe seeds in our pocket, if we don’t know how to put them in the earth and grow them.
What good is weight, when we have the ability to soar.

Learn to learn,
and you’ll be yearning to learn more. 



Dab my Wet Mouth,Wet

Your antelope ears and wrinkled persona!
Your grand entrance and bifocal’d leisure!
The habits of your style
are the blessing at the table.
Your hands of porcelin,
the super age of the sensory.

I am the kingdom blind
the sensible and perverse
the one who takes all the willows
willingly down to the shelter
for shelter
those bursts after bursts of experience.
I learn well.
And so should you.



Experienced Sadness

I have a lot of reasons to be sad.
We perhaps, all do.
I have more reasons to be sad now, then I think I have had in my whole lifetime.

But thinking back to my sad times when I was 14, or 21, or even 25.
They don’t ever seem as big as the big sad things now.
With experience comes some deeper sadness within and with age comes responsible stages which-when they get messed up, seem even more like life is forever done and over with.

Which leads me to my next point.
If these big bad things in my life are the biggest they are because they are the current and most recent and in 10 years from now they will seem like they are little symbols of my still-ever growing up youth, then what’s the point of dragging them out and being stuck in them.
If they are going to be grains of sand on a beach in the end, why stay sad when being sad is the only thing keeping you from being a happy human.

Back To Thailand

Let’s take a look back to the place I lived in for five years. Pattaya,Thailand.
It changed me.
As  moving anywhere does.

Pattaya is a city of tourists,prostitutes,murders,drugs,wires,signs and deceit.

That basically sums up the negative.
But I am not such a cynical person that I find no positive of anything.

Fruit is wonderful, markets, 24hour 711’s almost within 4 minutes of anywhere.
Beautiful. Cheap clothes.

And there’s people that will drive you home so drunk you don’t even know where home is and they call your mom from you iphone asking and taking no money from purse and delivering.
Once in a lifetime that happens.

There’s also the time where you almost get raped by a so called friend and you set it up cause you went there alone in the dark and it waas in the middle of nothing but  a pack of dogs so when you scream and bolt and run and run and have dogs chasing and you’re whipping stones at them and hoping hoping hoping you won’t feel their teeth on your leg, well that’s life there too.

I haven’t had many scary expeirences there. That I felt. Save for that one. So in five years, i think that’s doing pretty good. I mean, i putmyself in dangerous spots all the time. I truly did. I ate noodles in a stairwell at three am for 2 months straight on the weekends.

I bruised with reality. I tested it. I got so drunk i was shoeless in a massive downpour, water rushing down streets and alone and white wearing me , brother searching, me just drunk drunk drunk.

I like to believe that my non touristy brain, saved me.
That I could smell danger, I avoided. That I thought like them. That my knowlede of the city, the people, helped me. I was able to manevouer around people. My expertise at people, at Thai’s really came into play and I belive that the reason for my safety.

No matter what they say.

Cause they lie like they need the money.
And most of them do.