Your eyes carried a drunken love haze, so saturated in modesty and certainty.
If belief would grow trees, there’d be a forest in my front yard.
Because everything is believable about you
even when it isn’t.
By putting faith and trust into you, I remove my dictation and place vulnerability.
It may not be drunken, but it’s a love haze too.
And that makes us dangerous.
I am standing on a solid
I didn’t have mere months ago.
I was swallowing the booze everyday
and wanted little to do with life
I am here.
I am feeling sure of many things
I felt no such thing 5 weeks ago.
I was wishing death was easier
and was angry because I couldn’t do it
I am here.
I am here where I watch the flower fluffs float in the sun down by the creek.
Everything seems to have a beauty.
There is a peace I’ve found just in pushing forward.
I wasn’t expecting this.
But this must be why I kept going.
I believe in me and my ability to love the changes I’m undertaking. I don’t know exactly where this came from. To let go of all the mistakes I’ve made and to release myself of guilt. To know that I don’t need to carry it around. I actually don’t. And if anyone in my past wants to hold things against me, to not even give me a chance to shine in spite of my bad choices, then I do not need them in my life.
I will live better without them.
I am here
and the love for MY life is greater because of it.
I’ve been away from home for five days; stopping in only to grab a change of clothes and a cup of yogurt.
Life is spinning and seems a bit far away when I think about it.
And when I don’t, I’m really in it. I’m really living it. Deep into the eyes of others and the words that float from there lips and it enhances everything around me.Everything that I do not think of.
I am immersed and focused and hazed out all at once.
I am happy. But I know my happy is a forward root. I am happy because of my present surroundings and what I want to do with it in the future.
I have great plans for the future with my present, but I am not implementing choices with the present that make that future.
And that is my biggest struggle in this present.