Saturday Mornings

Half dazed with half the sleep dust in the crevices of my half open eyes
sitting on the back porch with the blue jays tweeting without the use of cellphones
talking in depth with Father about our life situations
and it will be so deep of a conversation I could dive in at the shallow end and still not hit bottom.

Oh Saturday mornings once in a blue sunshine of a day
they impact whole heartedly.

One Man

He was a hard worker.
He drew the blueprints and built his own 5 bedroom house when he was 23.
He married a very pretty woman.
They had children.
She was the lenient. And he was the strict.

He worried about money a lot
and she spent it
or rather,
she spent it
and he worried about not having enough.
He moved up the ladder in his career.
He was the leader at work.
But he wasn’t at home.
They fought about the children and about money.
He put all his time and effort into doing better where it felt it did less damage
where negative affects weren’t seen.
He became a workaholic.

He spent less time at home
the relationships with his children suffered.

But
when asked to take on a job away from the house he had built
he said no
because his children were young and he still wanted to influence
as best he could.
For years until it was all his life,
he was boss over hundreds of people
but barely had leverage on his own family.

They fought all the time.

He gained more respect at work
but had none under the roof he lived
the one he had made with his bare hands.

Until the children were all grown up
and he went overseas to work
once, twice
and the picture became a little clearer to the grown-ups.

A few years before he retired
when the effect of his wife was wearing off
his children slowly found the seeds and admiration grew.

After 36 years of working and being the unfavourable parent at home,
he retired
with the relationships between his children intact.

Six months after he retired,
his wife left him.

She demanded more than half
of what he had worked for his whole life.

Instead of retiring with the hundreds of thousands he has accumulated over the years,
that money now goes to lawyers
Instead of that money going towards his childrens inheritance,
half of all that he has worked for and sacrificed for his entire life
now goes to her.

 

 

That one man is my father.
And all he has worked for in his life,
is now being taken away from him
by my mother.

 

 

 

 

 

New Feel in the Picture

My sons father hasn’t seen his son in one year and three months.
It was a sacrifice he chose. For me. For his son.
I still love the man because he is good. He just wasn’t right for me.

In five days he will meet his son.
Because his son is altogether new. Unfamiliar. Different then the last time.

So yesterday, I got the burst of a new feel.

I am excited to show him our son.
For him to represent my hard work and dedication of over a year.
I am responsible for his manners and his voice. The words he uses and his diaperless bum. I am the reason behind a lot of the good things and of course, some of the bad.

I am excited to show him the being we made and how it is no longer a 7 pound wriggle, but a 31 pound child that hugs hugs-the best I’ve ever had.
He’s my heart beating reason,
and I’m excited to show him that.