If we discontinued our lashing out at people and slow motioned our time with our reactions, I think we’d find a lot less irritable of a person inside of us.
I get that reactions are initial. They’re quite beautiful in that respect. Your response is beautiful in just the opposite way. You DO have time.
It’s like feeding the heart celery. As you make the decisions to respond after letting yourself think, you gain the creation of a possible habit and lose 6 pounds of ego centered mud.
Half the time do we even want to respond wearing a coat of anger?
Shedding that will take time and practice but we’ll feel a lot lighter and have less resistance towards people around us.
Besides, after a situation in reacting poorly, how many times does it return to a safe, comfortable place again?
So just skip the part where you insult others and just be collected and calm to begin with. That will generate enough good loving warmth that makes wearing the damn coat severely impractical.
Inside I’m a field. A rolling expanse of soil.
And I choose my seeds wisely. Most of the time.
Inside out, I am Choice.
Beyond the body of me, there is Weather. And whatever I choose to expose myself to, determines the growth of my seedlings.
I reach for the sunshine naturally, the warmth and the feel good feels. I reach for the butterflies and the sight of green on trees.
And as Weathers’ temperament is, sometimes it rains.
And as I am, sometimes it is not what I want to happen.
But as we know, water makes life grow.
When Weather accumulates in a corner, I may not be able to escape it’s raw and turbulent stupor. Yet I am Choice. I can create what to do with the uncontrol. I can let rain dampen my spirit, to let snow crust me over with dark solitude and way too much comfort food.
I can also choose to make blanket forts and bake with fruit. I can make an array of paper boats and float messages down to my monster truck neighbors. When I choose positive feelings my fields within are colourful, ever-blooming and ever confident. They will receive my interpretation of the unpredictable Weather and be growing in a happy environment.
And me as Choice? I’ll be feeding off of that.
Inside Out, the Beautiful Cycle.
Restless and Patience propped up in a box that has those cardboard walls
that get drawn on in the night with magic markers and a new box of crayons that at the end of the session are half broke and laying in an ocean of crayon dust.
Keep on turning my Feelings into Being.
Realistic and Sensible and sometimes hold back my inappropriate.
For even though I know there is a time where inappropriate turns into appropriate , the time isn’t now. And I have to respect that. And I want to too.
Even if Patience and Restlessness battle on and off in their box.
That’s the way it is.
For right now.
I have lived my whole life making decisions based solely on two things.
What I want.
it won’t surprise me if you’ve done the same thing.
It is a terrible backing for a life frame.
You know why ?
Because feelings change and what we want isn’t always the best for us.
Because we won’t stay married if we are always choosing with our feelings.
Because we continue to want even after getting what we wanted.
We will never be satisfied if we choose with these two things as our main reasons.
Feelings are important and need to be validated. This is for certain. But we don’t need to act on them to do this.Heck, who knows where we would all be if we acted on every single feeling we had.
Which brings me to my next fact: There ARE some behavioral limits we have set without even knowing. We ARE capable of not acting on our feelings.
So why then, must we continually put feelings and wants at the forefront of our decision making?
It’s the easiest. We don’t have to think about why; it’s enough just to know we feel this certain way.
It’s usually justified. We place so much importance on our feelings that NOT following them feels wrong.
It makes the most sense to us.
A few things happen when we choose like this.
A bad habit forms.
It becomes that other peoples feelings start to matter less. Our first instinct isn’t to think about how it will make the other person feel or to think of what they would want.
We become selfish and self absorbed and guess what. We don’t even know it because we’re going off our feelings and our feelings aren’t..ever wrong. People in our lives will eventually recognize the pattern;that their happiness comes below ours. Every Single Time.
Another problem when we choose based on feelings:
We expect them to stay the same.
But that’s just the thing. Feelings DO change. I believe there’s this misconception in relationships that yes, we’re aware there’s going to be tough times ahead, but that we’ll still feel love for them or care for them in those times. When in reality, you won’t. That’s when choosing to love your partner regardless of how you FEEL at that time, is such an important, conscious decision to make.
Unresolved issue. It’s not an easy task and it’s why so many of us opt for the feeling route. If we feel upset, directly correlated to that feeling is the desire to remove ourselves from the situation. Often times, this just dormants the problem and eventually, another similar episode will bring it to the surface.
We need to assess how we are making the majority of our decisions. And if a lot of them are founded on feelings and desires, to rewire that.
Into logic or common sense. To practicality or rational. For the consideration of others. For long-term prospects or security.
I leaned over the counter to grab the bag full of Lays Lies and I knocked over the bowl of Cheetos Cheatos in the process and it rolled off the surface onto the floor and all I did was stand there and look at it. For a minute I was still and Golden Grahms and good. Then I
reached for the broom doom and in the same movement spilled the Coke joke and I was frightened not surprised and my cup heart cracked again and my foot ego bruised where all the jokes had landed were on me.
Maybe I just hoped the Tooth Truth fairy would come to help me pull out the words I needed to say. Or that a wash wish cloth would magically appear so I could wipe myself clean of this terrible distasteful habit.
Because it wasn’t the last first time.
Time ticked and I felt nothing but myself, pouring out cartons of milk meek onto the rest of what was there. I turned and stretched my spinal denial cords and found my voice and
with it yelled, ” I have made this mess and it is you me.”
Here’s to admittance, unavoidance and tackling beautiful messes. Over and over again.
You’re the type to leave me speechless while I’m bursting at the seams to speak
The one that’s got me wrapped around my own beating heart.
I’ll gently breath into your soul, while you aggressively reach for mine
And we’ll dance this song to the end so that the start is what we’ll find.