I am shit at not doing what I need to do and great at doing what I want.
Last year I came to learn it,
this year I attempt doing it.
Situations where I need to make the choice that I need to.
I have to say that it hasn’t felt as freeing as I thought it would. Yes, there is some weight off my head and lightness in my heart, but there’s still this deep dissatisfaction.
That I let someone down. That I couldn’t be all that they envisioned me to be in their life.
I wonder if the more I choose to follow my heart, the less I’ll worry about keeping peace with people. I hope so because doing what I need to do shouldn’t be so difficult.
I’m 26 years old and a few weeks ago I figured out the person I want to be in life.
Up until a few years ago, I assumed I liked who I was. And when I shuffled through a few years of my life, I realized I was only convincing myself through other people. That I was creating a happy that existed only because of who I surrounded myself with.
It’s not as easy as taking out all those people-they are not even to blame.
It was me all along,focusing on making a person that guys liked. Creating this hole to not even China, but to nowhere.
It’s taken a blow, a very low setting in life, to figure out the things I don’t need to change, but want to change.
And the desire to is what changes it all. For a few years now, I knew I needed to change if I was going to be happy with myself. But I didn’t because I got comfortable with being uncomfortable.
I feel ready now, to step back into life;ready to make choices instead of reacting to what comes my way.