A Sure(d) Stay

When I have a heavy heart
I don’t feel fat or off the scale.
I feel my blood veins disjointed
And dragon sadness of a tail.

A heart with weight,
can also mean pure and full
Like explosion works of fire,
that create the half that makes the whole.

And if my heart is solid,
like that soulfire around your way,
I know we will be complete
before we start our stay.

B U

You’ll wear yourself out being someone you’re not for somebody else. You will collapse. You will not last with anyone if you are not downright upright you.

Fear gets in the way and in the end, fear of stepping forward like you are, will have you stepping out.

You have to be yourself if you want a relationship to last. That’s why none of mine have. Well, the last two anyways.

The first few, I was too unknowingly smart to be someone else.

For You

I’d break open each pistachio in the whole bag for you.
I’d crack open your 11 cans of beer, I’d,
I’d travel 73 blocks to grab you your favourite Thursday night chew.

I’d rub your back and your feet any night of the week.
You see, I would care for you in such a way, that I would believe it.

Silhouetted You

I picture sunlight that hasn’t hit horizon yet to be able to call it setting but in the sky, bright and small, not big and hot, but glowing and warm and nice.

the sky not black. not bright blue sky. not cheesy sunset orange either. but this faded, darker yellow. warmth… with depth.

Warmpth.

And i picture you half-silhouetted, half blurry, half in frame of the polaroid being taken, half out, but smiling huuuuuuge.

You may be something different to me then what you really are. But you’re still real. To me.

If you Can, You Are

If you can hate someone, you have the ability to love them.
If you love someone, they have the ability to break your heart.
If your heart is broken,you and Time are able to repair it.
If you are complete, you can give all you’ve got.

And when you can give all that you’ve got, and it is all that you have,

you are giving yourself
a life of love.

 

Breeze Brings

I try to enjoy the wind as it reaches me here in the open window’d car. 
I hear the leaves talk too. 
It brings me you
and the absence settles. 

This brings me only memories and reminders that have impacted me enough, 
to be able to come to me this way.

I try to enjoy it
but I only wish you were here 

and that the breeze was not.

You Don’t Have To Know What You Want

It’s okay to not know what you want.
You may be under the impression that you are supposed to know. That knowing will make your life feel like it has some sense. That you have direction and a focus, a purpose.
And since all of the above is true when we really do know what we want, I think sometimes we fake it. We choose something that is similar, something that is more obtainable to us then the real thing. We want for the wrong reasons.
Sometimes we may even begin to believe that it is what we want.

That gets scary. And weird. Your whole being is off and you may find you are more unhappy then not. Maybe it is more subtle then that and you feel uneasy or hesitant to make decisions. Maybe you stress over conversations you’ve had in the day or are uptight about how you can’t crack an egg properly for the lives of you and your house mates.

Sometimes pulling a few minutes from your closet and sitting with just that and your heart, you’ll find it’s telling you something. Sometimes it’s things we don’t want to hear. It may be difficult to admit that you’re not really chasing what you want but more the idea of it or so someone else doesn’t get it.

It is better to conclude you really are uncertain about what you want in life -or on a smaller scale, situations -then it is to push on in a direction that isn’t reflecting your heart.
It won’t work that way.
That is one of the many things experience has taught me.

If you don’t know what you want, that’s okay. It doesn’t mean your life is pointless or flawed. We learn things at different times in our lives. Everyone has there own space and time and flow.

So just go with that.

Even when it surprises you.

Because believe it or not, your life is always flowing. Even when you feel stuck.

 

 

 

 

You Can Fake your Way Through Anything…But Don’t.

You can make your entire world ; your friends, family, other daily interactions.. think that you’re okay. That you’re even happy. That you’re feeling a certain way when you are not. That you ARE a certain way when you’re not.
You know how you can pretend to like a gift? And then just shove it in your closet, under your bed, regift..

If we pretend to like the gift of life, it’s not ever going to give us what we want.
The more we fake happiness-the worst being with the ones we are closest with, the better we get at it. Until we are reacting naturally like that.
But what’s the point?
To pretend we enjoy living? To pretend we’re actually as happy as our posted photos say? Come on guys, who are we kidding.
We’re never going to actually be happy that way.
Kinda just gotta be real with ourselves and maybe be more open to our sadness or downfalls and communicative of them. ‘Cause you know, the likeliness of connecting with someone over some unhappiness, is quite well…likely.Whether its with your sibling or best friend or person you just met.
And being cared by someone who REALLY knows your feels, well that’s a really good gift to give back to life. And Life don’t pretend nothing.