I had a lot of friends. I really did. I was so likable.
And I ran so hard with it until I reached a hill and in order to get to the top to see the beauty from there, I chose to discontinue all my relationships. I was okay in doing so, because I was determined. I had to lighten myself.
And not by dropping pounds.
I reached the top but it turned out the weather up there was foggy dust. Dark. and the ability to see much of anything besides slivers and speckles of light far off was truly difficult.
I’m still standing on it. I’m not running down to pick up my old friends. I’m going to stand here, nice and strong like a big oak tree and I’m going to do what I can to clear the skies.
It tooks months to reach here afterall,
and I’m determined to make what I believe in,
come out of the dark.
My son is almost four months old.
I’m finally pretty darn confident I know what he wants each time he cries! I’ve learned it over the past while and it’s a hill I feel connected to and am proud about.
But there will always be hills when it comes to raising a child.
The next one that is already at my feet deals with habits.
I know what will stop my baby from crying but do I want him to depend on it months later? Do I want him to need my boob or for me to be laying next to him, in order to fall asleep?
This is something I’ve been faltering with.
This is a hill I must get over.
By doing so I will have to hear my baby cry more. I will have to use other things to soothe him… to vary it before dependence becomes an issue.
But he will for much longer, depend on the things I provide.
Depend on me for the things he needs.