Mother and a Last Name

A lot of life changes when you have a baby. But I think I’m still in the process of feeling like a mother. It’s like a new last name. Doesn’t feel quite like yours until you write it down enough and use it.

You see. There’s a secret in my life that only my parents and best friend know.

I’m married.

We signed on May 2nd here in Thailand. We didn’t even have a ceremony for it so it was far from romantic. But there was a beauty to it that you can’t just get anywhere.
We were planning on getting married the year after, and planned to have kids then- but baby Zeek wanted to come in the year of the dragon! My year!

The reason not many know this is because I want to be able to go through all that engagement stuff and plan a wedding. I fear it will take away from the experience if everyone knows I have already signed my life away!

Now Zeek has a Canadian passport and is awaiting the approval of his citizenship. He also holds a Thai passport and eventually will have a British one. I will to.

I don’t feel married to Morgan, specially without the ring, but on the occasion that we must expose our secret, part of me warms up.
And I suppose that’s probably what it’s like for any woman after they get married. Words like ‘ my hubby’ are used often and there is an excited accent to all conversation that drives towards the marriage. Understandably so.It’s a big commitment. I’ve steered away from those words for I truly want our ‘wedding day’ to be when we become husband and wife.
When that day actually arrives, in which we celebrate getting married, I’m certain all those new feelings will arise. It will feel more official even though signing papers is the most official thing you can do on a wedding day!

In both cases, the big day has happened. I don’t feel like a mother, nor do I feel married but if enough time goes by, those roles will root themselves deep.
For now, I’ll live in the channel of the unfelt title and stretch about, because of course, never ever, will I ever not be either a mother or a wife.