The Sun and I

I spent time with Sun last week. In flaming glory she relayed her weekend. My chuckles were riddled with craters of approval. If I could be as hot as her, I would do those things too!

We held a heated discussion, full of sizzling stories and depth the colour of red hot. She had to know I understood the rays of her beauty.

With not so much as a breath of effort she warmed my insides.

I respect her and her tolerance, her dry humor and the way she dances and dials.
Oh Sun, you’ve got me all hot and bothered
and I like it.

 

There’s Truth Under the Truth

i am sorry i was the one to disturb you
to wake the giant.
i wish it was someone else
and instead, that i was the one to help you become better.

when you learn from this what you will, i will wish not that it never happened for you, but that it was someone else, that it was never me that placed it upon you, but someone else.
for if you haven’t already, you will learn something greater than what you can imagine.
you will be better than you ever have been.

but in the realistic deeper tongue of Truth that I begin to practice,

if i was never the one to make you reach your worst,
i wouldn’t have ever made it to my present best.

In developing this action of looking for honest,

I find myself okay with it being me that crushed your ego and broke your heart.


I accept it because in not doing so, I avoid and deny and ignore the truth of what happened.
If I want to live truthfully, I must accept the truth.

I accept that I broke your heart.
and I am comforted with my belief that eventually, 

 


you too, will reach your best.

Please Don’t be Partial

If you are in my life,  I am tired of you being in it partial
I was in that way with you, for a while
and it was never what I wanted.
I didn’t know how to get out.

Ever since I started learning about knowing how,
I’ve reached the surface a few dozen times
not struggling to stay a float
but
not being strong enough to fight through the undertows-
my habitual current.

I make progress
and want you in fully
to support
and help me when I fall down

Maybe it’s because you are still learning about knowing how to be here at all.

Because who the fook knows how you’re still here;
but if you’re gonna be here
please don’t be partial.

 

 

Life Suggests

Take a few minutes to go through your bras and re strap them so they fit properly. Over time they loosen and before you know it, we’re wearing a bra that isn’t supporting us.  That’s something that has long term affects.

Give away or sell clothes you don’t feel nice in. All those sweats and big sweaters? I know it’s getting colder but ridding yourself of some of these over sized comfortables will make you less inclined to overeat.

If you’re someone who likes things to LOOK at least slightly organised and in place, this ones for you. When you’re getting ready to go out and clothes and make up and papers get put in all the wrong spots and you’re in a hurry and you’re whipping around trying to put your sweaters back into the closet and your folders back into the drawers and books on the shelf… Just don’t.
Get better at walking away from a messy room in these times. The world ain’t gonna slenderize into oblivion and you sure as heck only gonna have to reapply your makeup and deodorant with sweating so much. Let cleaning up come after your outing and if you can’t handle that, then start getting ready earlier!

Always put water in your smoothie cups and hot chocolate mugs. If any dish has the potential to crust up hard after sitting in the sink for awhile, rinse it first. Even though it has to wait a bit longer to get the full washing, you’ll save yourself some serious scrub time.

Try reading a book or magazine before bed instead of watching a screen. It’s easier to get to sleep that way.

Typing of books:

Who needs a book of daily jokes when you’ve got your past.Laugh at how ridiculous it is in how you got here. To this place you’re at right now. All the turns and corners and awful feelings and regret and guilt and choices in the past. Besides learning from it, what other good is it going to do just hanging around there.
They are little humored up jokes that you are capable of smiling at – even when you don’t feel like it. Treat your past like an annoying and sarcastic but absolute fundamental, best friend. It after all, is something that isn’t going anywhere.

 

 

 

 

 

What Do You REALLY Miss?

Do you miss a person?

Take that idea and hold it in your heart. Now we’re going to inspect.

Perhaps you just miss the feelings he created within you. How he or she made you feel clever, hopeful or even better as a person. Perhaps she was a creative outlet in which you were appreciated- for your wacky brain, your confidence in creating. Maybe you don’t miss him at all but all the things he provided. Safety, stability, being cared for. Even the person you were when you were with him.
It may be that you don’t really miss who she is as a person, but rather the world of what it meant to have someone there. To connect with and share with.

Really let your heart feel out on all angles, what this miss actually is for.

Next I want you to ask yourself what of that miss, you can supply on your own.
Getting into a comfortable relationship with yourself is so incredibly important but it’s often the thing we focus on the least.

Administer the value on yourself, yourself. Take moments to actually laugh at how silly you are being or how radical you know your mind is. Validate your beautiful existence yourself.  If this means making a sticker chart and rewarding each recognition with an end of the week treat? Then do so.
Fill this ‘miss’ void as much as possible. Wrap up love and give that gift to yourself  over and over again.
In the end, you’ll find you are much stronger and funner then you thought you were and whatever miss you felt for a person or a place,is less- simply because you’re able to produce the feeling of being cared for, yourself.
May I remind you too,  you don’t need someone else to make you better. If you like who you are when you are ‘better’, go be that without the crutch of someone else. 
If you can do that, your ‘better’ just got a whole lot better. 

 

 

We Are All Just Learning

I think sometimes we forget that we actually have to learn stuff.

That we aren’t born with all these adequate features that make living seem like something we’ve done a hundred times over.

 

No. We have to learn behaviours, methods and techniques.We go through trial and error and gain knowledge by failure.

All of THAT, all of the above, takes TIME. It’s called Experience and sometimes it takes 4 of the same mistakes to get it right.

And thats okay.

As long as we are always trying to improve, we can’t be so hard on ourselves or each other. If we don’t embrace the times we mess up, we end up carrying around a whackload of weight that we haven’t learned anything from.

And what good are tomatoe seeds in our pocket, if we don’t know how to put them in the earth and grow them.
What good is weight, when we have the ability to soar.

Learn to learn,
and you’ll be yearning to learn more.