Please Don’t be Partial

If you are in my life,  I am tired of you being in it partial
I was in that way with you, for a while
and it was never what I wanted.
I didn’t know how to get out.

Ever since I started learning about knowing how,
I’ve reached the surface a few dozen times
not struggling to stay a float
but
not being strong enough to fight through the undertows-
my habitual current.

I make progress
and want you in fully
to support
and help me when I fall down

Maybe it’s because you are still learning about knowing how to be here at all.

Because who the fook knows how you’re still here;
but if you’re gonna be here
please don’t be partial.

 

 

Feels Outta My Eyes

I’m trying to gauge my stance on this situation.
I want to say a lot but I know it means- perhaps a bit more than it would have a month ago- but still not enough to sink to the bottom of your heart core.
My words float, because they hold no weight.

So I must refrain, each time I am with you now. To just feel. To stroke your arm or squeeze you hand. To look into your eyes. Knowing mine are brimming with emotion.

You always said I had the deepest eyes of anybody you ever knew.

Mine are so full of my heart that it leaks out sometimes and they drain down, making snail wet tracks down my cheeks.

I can’t help it. I am in awe of you.
And of me.
I’ve changed
and my eyes aren’t the only thing that can feel it.

 

People and Connection

Sometimes it’d be nice to just feel like I connected with everybody.
That’s what I think I felt like before my 5 years in Thailand.That I connected with everyone. Even in most of my visits back to Canada during that time.

But not connecting with everyone now, means I value more the ones that I do. The connections I DO have.
Which means I’ll end up having valuable people in my life,
which means I’ll end up having a more valuabe life.

Because having people around that you value,
means you are going to be better,
live stronger,
and love more.