You Don’t Have To Know What You Want

It’s okay to not know what you want.
You may be under the impression that you are supposed to know. That knowing will make your life feel like it has some sense. That you have direction and a focus, a purpose.
And since all of the above is true when we really do know what we want, I think sometimes we fake it. We choose something that is similar, something that is more obtainable to us then the real thing. We want for the wrong reasons.
Sometimes we may even begin to believe that it is what we want.

That gets scary. And weird. Your whole being is off and you may find you are more unhappy then not. Maybe it is more subtle then that and you feel uneasy or hesitant to make decisions. Maybe you stress over conversations you’ve had in the day or are uptight about how you can’t crack an egg properly for the lives of you and your house mates.

Sometimes pulling a few minutes from your closet and sitting with just that and your heart, you’ll find it’s telling you something. Sometimes it’s things we don’t want to hear. It may be difficult to admit that you’re not really chasing what you want but more the idea of it or so someone else doesn’t get it.

It is better to conclude you really are uncertain about what you want in life -or on a smaller scale, situations -then it is to push on in a direction that isn’t reflecting your heart.
It won’t work that way.
That is one of the many things experience has taught me.

If you don’t know what you want, that’s okay. It doesn’t mean your life is pointless or flawed. We learn things at different times in our lives. Everyone has there own space and time and flow.

So just go with that.

Even when it surprises you.

Because believe it or not, your life is always flowing. Even when you feel stuck.

 

 

 

 

Topics of Conversation and People

There are certain people to talk to about certain things.
Almost anyone can get an earful of venting at times,  yet it’s nice to decipher which topic in general, your audience is most suited for.

The kid one is easy. If they don’t have children, don’t gab on about the rate at which yours is growing, that he or she had six bananas on Tuesday and got their hair styled into a mohawk on Friday. If it’s relatable to a discussion you are already in, a quick mention will do.

Pets. As much as half the world can seem like they are animal lovers, half the world only means there’s another half. Fur, tricks and whiskers are not for everyone.

People like to relate to whatever comes out of your mouth. If you’re speaking of your international travels when they have merely gone to the big shopping mall 4 hours away, chances are it’s a short circuit of a conversation.

Find someone in your life that really loves fashion, so when you have an outfit predicament, you’re going to them and not the one who wears scrubs for a living AND outside of living.
If you need to get marital issues off your chest, ( obviously a marriage counsellor is an option )  find the friend that has went through similar problems and can benefit from talking to YOU about such things.

You’ll find the bonds between new people you meet will manifest easily and quickly and that existing relationships will be strengthened ten fold.

 

Social Circle Stronger

I was around a fire with 8 others last night.
Pocket money and by-laws felt like big words to me. At one point, there were three different conversations going on at once and I blended all the sounds in my ears and smiled and knew that it was an English blend. So soft and calm in my ears.

I can feel my confidence shuffling around under the covers. It is alive. And it will get strong.

Why The People in Our Life

Do you ever wonder why the people that are in your life, are there?

Sometimes it is just because we see them everyday. We work with them, we go to school with them, we ride the same bus as them.

But why do we make relations with the one that we do?
What at home, drives us to seek and attatch ourselves to those people?

Are we lacking attention from our boyfriend? Are we going through a rough time that makes us vulnerable? Do we just need someone to listen to us for a week?
Are we using them to fill a void of ours?

Why are we in THEIR life?
What do we fufill.
If we didn’t have this issue in our life, would we continue to talk to them?
Are we selfish in our desire to keep them around because they make us feel good?

Are the levels of both sides, being met? Or does someone want more.

Would it really be greater if all this were known?

You Are You

There comes a point and time where you realize you’ve been quiet for three years.
You were always a good listener, but you still spoke to people.
And when you figure out that you’ve been unhealthily quiet, it isn’t something you fix right away.
It isn’t conversation that pops up easily.
It’s a lot of thought maze.

People need to talk.
They need an outlet. Even if it’s just a blog.
But they must, they must get something from whatever they are divulging in.

Sometimes people speak to drugs.
And that can be so enticing.
Because drugs can feel that they listen.
For a time they do.

Until your body is shutting down because the ears of the effect, have fallen off.
Because eventually they will.
They always do. And we don’t always know it. And sometimes we need outside influence to tell us.

Sometimes, it’s just ourselves.
That tell us, it’s all wrong.
That, listening, that unspeaking, isn’t good.

So we should probably listen to ourselves.
Even if people tell us a lot about ourselves,
we’re still learning, from the core of us,
we learn about us.

And we can know that,
but
acting on something that has felt wonderful to do,
even if it’s not morally correct,
is more difficult then it reads out.

The Importance in Questions

This week I figured out why I value questions.
They are important to me because it is the way that I reveal myself.
I became interested in communication in highschool. I didn’t know it then, but that is what was happening. I realised that people like to talk and that there are a lot more talkers out there then listeners. And I’m a people pleaser.
So I became quiet and listened and didn’t say much.
Until I’ve reached this point in my life where I’m making things more difficult because I am not speaking.
“Why didn’t you just tell me that then?”
“Because you didn’t ask me.”
” I thought you would just tell me whatever you wanted. You know I want to hear anything you have to say.”

I have had these conversations numerous times. With my old best friends.

I know I have tried to be better. To assert myself and to give out information freely.
But it is so easy to not.
It is so easy to sit back and glide with the current of all the others.
It sounds terrible. I know.
But I learn a lot this way.
I learn a lot about myself.

I learn how naive people can be. How much they can not not know about their ‘friend’.

My friends don’t know who I am anymore as a result of my silence.
I’ve been open. I’ve been free and fine to tell people a lot of things.
But they haven’t asked me.

So I find myself in this room of doubt.
Maybe I don’t want them to know these things about me.
It has started to become way too comfortable. It has become something I use.
Guilt becomes less of a threat because noone is asking me things that make me feel it.
To make me turn in on myself.

It is a dangerous place but this is how I came to the understanding of why questions are important to me.
Now what.