Baun Step

It swallowed me whole
that afternoon in mid May
My teeth sunk into twisting purpose,

like those freckles displaying
Mays’ confidence.
The sun like summer
coming in early.

We wrestled with the tender idea that
maybe after all of this,
we weren’t going to be anything but another month
in the line up to December.

 

 

I am Here!!

Friends,
I am standing on a solid
I didn’t have mere months ago.
I was swallowing the booze everyday
and wanted little to do with life
and now
I am here.

Friends,
I am feeling sure of many things
I felt no such thing 5 weeks ago.
I was wishing death was easier
and was angry because I couldn’t do it
and now
I am here.

I am here where I watch the flower fluffs float in the sun down by the creek.
Everything seems to have a beauty.
There is a peace I’ve found just in pushing forward.
I wasn’t expecting this.

But this must be why I kept going.

I believe in me and my ability to love the changes I’m undertaking. I don’t know exactly where this came from. To let go of all the mistakes I’ve made and to release myself of guilt. To know that I don’t need to carry it around. I actually don’t. And if anyone in my past wants to hold things against me, to not even give me a chance to shine in spite of my bad choices, then I do not need them in my life.
I will live better without them.

I am here
and the love for MY life is greater because of it. 

 

 

Some Quotes Just Aren’t Good.Or Are They.

I like my fair share of quotes. I do.
However,
some of them don’t really work for me.

And I get it. Quotes are supposed to be short, sweet and worded just right so that the idea is transmitted easily.

But sometimes the lack thereof is the very thing that promotes the questions.
Or the thing that completely sucks the reality away.

As far as my thoughts have went:

you CAN’T ‘live each day as if it was your last’

you CAN’T ‘live in each and every single moment.’
This is not something we can exert 100% of the time.
How come?
Because we have a brain and circumstantial invariables.  We have exhaustion,distractions and feelings that collapse into our soul without asking.  We have a mind that needs a break.
We have too many loved ones, distance and lack of time,  to go and say goodbye to them every single day we’re supposed to be living like it’s our last.

 

‘Always Kiss Me Goodnight’

I thought relationships  were supposed to mirror selflessness.
Let’s make this less individualistic. Specially if it’s going to go above our bed.
” Always Give Us a Kiss” And goodnight? What about Morning? Or Snack time?!

“Always Kiss Us Anytime” is my version.

 

” Don’t worry. Be Happy “.

Now, now. Before you get upset running through your veins, I enjoy Bob Marleys music and I think- based on what I know- the life he lived.
With each quote there are usually a few different circumstances that change it.  So when your house burns down and takes everything with it, you should be happy that you’re alive, right? Except realistically you’re going to worry about the passport that you need for the trip you had planned two days from then, to see your mother who has a week to live.
Perhaps we should just accept that we’re not going to be happy in every situation of our lives so that when we do feel down, it’s not as big of a revolting disgust- which makes the sadness darker.

‘Live.Love.Laugh?’

If we’re really going to break life down like that, why we gotta put ‘live’ in there.
Loving and laughing should BE what living IS. Not another L word.

 

And you see, you can’t really win when trying to break down quotes.
Loving and laughing should be what living is yet we should accept we’re not going to be happy all the time? Ha!

Quotes are going to contradict one another because they’ve all got there unique individiality and power to prove points based on specific circumstances .

Now, that’s going into quote format. 😉  :

 

‘Quotes are going to contradict one another because they’ve all got there unique individiality and power to prove points based on specific circumstances . ‘