Here’s why Losing is Okay

If I lost my temper, I wouldn’t be so sad. I wouldn’t even go look for it again.
I’d say, ‘Hey, Good riddance and good day! ‘

If I lost my momentum, I wouldn’t sit down and crouch my feet under my bum looking skyward as if the sight of the blowing clouds would help me move forward. I’d take off my snowboard,I’d put the weights down, and I’d walk to the next hill, I’d step on the next machine. And push my weight forward. I’d move.

If I lost a race, I would try harder the next time around. I wouldn’t get to the finish line and keep running, trying to find the race I just ran.

If I lost my mind,
I wouldn’t speed up on drugs trying to lose it more. I’d say, ‘ Let your mind get lost every once and awhile, and don’t in the least, try and find it’.
Because losing is sometimes the backwards way of winning.

Losing makes us stronger and try harder.
Losing may make us confused and may make us want to put on our headlights and search for the lost.

But losing is just another part of life.

Even if it is losing life.

If I lost my self in oblivion, I wouldn’t try and climb out.
I’d let myself float in that unknown.

If I lost my breath at an event, at a speech, at a friends words,
I woudn’t even try and find it.
I’d let it be lost in the air.
It’s like losing in it’s greatest form.
You FEEL.

You feel that feeling. And you know it’s big.

If I lost my voice, I’d let it come back to me.

If I lost my writings, I’d just write more.

If i lost my hope, I’d find another way to hope.

If I lost you, I wouldn’t try and find another you.
Losing you is like learning love.

And love is only lost,
when it is supposed to be lost.

 

 

 

It’s smart like that.

I Struggle with Myself

I’m a bit lost these days. What does one do? I guess I never thought I would be in this situation because I’ve been pretty darn great at keeping myself happy. But it is a new low.
When you know you can be better in your relationship, when you know the things you need to do, but you have no will to do them? When you know you are capable of being happier and you are focused on what you think you need but deep down you know that you need to fix what you are in.
You need to fix what you are in because right now, it is fixable.
But it is the most scariest thing I have ever been a part of because it deals with my child and my marriage and I now, after only so long, I realise I am not fit to be commitable. I can’t do it. I run. I have run all my life out of relationships.From people that have wanted to marry me. From people that would have done so much to keep me.
Little things irritate me and I have been able to run because of all the others out there.
Even now, they are there. But it has taken this long for these things to add up, about him. About the guy I married. It has taken this long, four years, for even the tiniest bit of running thought, to enter. And I wonder, why the hell now.
I am so far removed from this situation. I’m already out and I don’t want to be in. But I feel pressed to be and we started documents today to move to Canada and I know I am supposed to talk to him and say everything and spill it all, but I am Running Women, I have been doing it all my life and this is where it gets me. To here. To a dead end. Because I know I will not be happy. I am doing this to him and to myself. To our son.
And I feel so messed up. There is noone I have. No best friends. Noone to talk to.
I’ve got myself here,
How do I get myself out ?