Admit the Affect

Im starting to admit how much the last two years has impacted me. i believe i was denying it because i wanted to have risen above it, shrug it off like i was impervious to it.

i think the greater power lies in being honest with oneself.

either the way, the affects will take place and when that is more so accepted and understood, the better starting point you have with dealing with it .

Carnival

Wird press this
I appreciate you wanting to get to know how it goes –
that carnival in my brain.
But you can only eat so much cotton candy in one day.
You’ll read this again,
and you’ll be frustrated again
I’m like a train that has the caboose on the other end of yours.

Keep running after your sandwich,
you won’t get enough of the cheese
until you do.

And then you’ll be sick
for quite awhile.

It’s okay dear,
only the strong mess around with my carnival.

Simmering Chaos

Warm swirling energetic chaos simmering inside- like a turtle about to start a race.
You know you’re about to do great things.

The mind is so powerful. Can make or break your moment, your hour, your day.
It’s difficult for those that struggle with taking control. To readjust your head, be authoritative and administer the care and direction.
It is very worth it. And will continue to need tuning, and realignment. Sometimes you will react poorly to a comment and forget that you have the ability to regulate.

And sometimes these nice sugar dust brain waves, pair perfectly with that simmering chaos and you will know how beautiful it all is.

Drool

The slender drool that carries love boats in the slow, meanderic but gravity provoked current. To reach the lake of soft relaxation on a European 800 fill power white goose down pillow. And the sails go up and the breath travels the heart sparkles around and warms so whole heartedly that the consideration of cozying up on the shores of this beautiful contentment, is just as rational as deepening the lake.

Sool

You are the soulstice to my ever glowing nature. The soulutions I find in my everyday.
Your soulfullness resonates in my bones, that warm laundrified fuzzy blanket against bone skin.
How soulganic we are in our soulitude. You soulidify so much purpose in my being, that soulving kind of souldier, dedicated not to beat the problems, but to make them understood.
The absoulute of my breath, the consoulable feature of all teddy bear grub.
My resoulationial feats when I get stuck in mind mud. I’d stay in isoulation with you, fuel ourselves with our gasouline and live in the factual heat. That all of this means

you are my soul mate.

You’re Still Here

I think about you everyday. I miss you. I think about the what have I dones and the whys and why didn’t I and how could I and what was I thinking and in all of this, making some rational sense because sense without rational is like the national anthem without pride.
oh Life, I don’t want to disappoint you anymore.

A Meal for Two

Relationship with my eight year old son strained
like raw spaghetti rigid in the sink
and when you toss those toothpick noodles against the wall
nothing sticks.

The sauce burnt on the stove
even though I like the smell because it smells like I cooked something nice
like how I created my son without looking at a recipe
or the ingredients.

Who measures out sperm or eggs?

So here I struggle, while he stirs the pot
of boiling brain temperatures of mine
and racing heart.

The perfect dish of basil and mushroom spaghetti doesn’t exist
but getting my hands dirty and paste splattered on my apron
that I don’t even wear because my whole body is a canvas for stains,
is this process that at least
I can use to become better
at

making the dish of Life
sticky and sweet
enjoyable.



Confused Bubbs

If I broke the bubbles in the bath with a sledgehammer , I thought myself a murderer.
When I break my own heart, I feel like a loser in the gutters of East Toronto.
What is the difference between smashing up other peoples lives
instead of your own?
What makes guilt fight conscience?

What makes you live so poorly
so intentionally unpotentially?
You know there is more out there for you
then sucking bubbles down your throat trying to drown your sorrows,

as if air could do that anyways.



Learn How to Escape Stuck

Being stuck for years doesn’t have to mean death.

I think it is the feeling of being mentally stuck
that keeps us the stuck for the longest
and perhaps,
the most deadly of all stucks.

We get these bursts of living every now and then
and surge forward with them
and then are surprised when we trip over a log in the middle of a cement parking lot.

Babes,
it’s life.

Expect and equip.

You have it in you.