The deep pitted ‘if I was avocado sugar feeling, racing around my blood track. Apprehensive little race car cells, being all cute and energetic. Is it better not to brace for impact? And better to embrace the nature of it? There’s beauty in the after affects but holy nugget there’s an oil tank of fear too. Why? Well. Car can’t go vroom without oil, right?
I want to make it right.
Will you let me ?
Will you think the same right as me?
Or will I be left dumbfounded.
I used to surrender to the power of the love for other people, instead of loving myself.
My relationships not lasting because I had no internal peace. Nobody was ever going to be enough in my eyes because I consistently and constantly required more then what any human could give. Internal peace. I am not good for anyone if i am not good for self . If I am my own toxic habit, I will only spill that on the jeans of my partner and no matter how many times you wash, that stain doesn’t come out.
Here’s to you being so much of you; who else would you be.
Oh, there are 1001 identities and I don’t want you to try any of them,
but you for you.
That’s the right one.
And so it is, with anyone in our lives that stay awhile and go, take something- even if so minuscule. And sometimes when we love them- or even if we don’t- we can hope they took the good. And even if they took the bad, that they will somehow do good with it- if even it is only to understand it.
To be better, having stayed awhile in our life.
Nine years ago today, I created this blog.
It would only be two months after, I found out I was pregnant.
So This blog Is like my child’s age.
nurtered, fought with and discouraged And encouraged and inspired and up and down and I can’t imagine ever letting go of this blog just like I can’t with my son.
What a journey.
I’ll foster your learning and love,
I’ll adopt your presence with care.
I’ll be your guardian, ratifying our conviction
I’ll take you the everywheres.
When I have a heavy heart
I don’t feel fat or off the scale.
I feel my blood veins disjointed
And dragon sadness of a tail.
A heart with weight,
can also mean pure and full
Like explosion works of fire,
that create the half that makes the whole.
And if my heart is solid,
like that soulfire around your way,
I know we will be complete
before we start our stay.
How many hundreds of tears will I shed for this?
My eyelids could go to the Olympics in the heavy weight class. My heart is sniffles. No amount of Wednesday could make me unlove you or miss you less. I miss the living daylights out of you, your nighttime sheepish grin.
Heat pods in my stomach.
A flutteration of heart quivers,
to see you
even if you don’t see me.
not the only place where reality beams.