Highs and Lows. We’ve all got them. A thousand of them.
These days, I find myself baffled to sickness-at how quick one can go from being grinny and positive, to the bottom of the bucket. Sad. Negative.
We are affected.
And sometimes, I just don’t want to be.
I don’t think I’ve ever had the yern for a stable life. I didn’t know that was a thing I didn’t have. Or else I did and didn’t admit it. But going from one extreme to the other so quickly, is not healthy. It isn’t. I feel myself lurching into the same darkness everytime the low blasts into feelsight. A ocean with a thousand waves, a thousand feet high. And I’m wanting only, to be a thousand feet under.
I do not embrace the low well, any longer. I just want them to stop.
I just want to stop them.
It’s good to recognize the fall and rise of days. Waking up, knowing that today you don’t feel so well. That you don’t quite want to do as much work as you did yesterday. Reguardless of the pile of laundry or the dishes in the sink.
Some days I just would like to do nothing but type or write – to have no responsabilities.
I am certain that these thoughts and feelings will occur throughout life. That’s just the way it goes. I will try and be better at accepting that low days do come with the high days and that this is exactly part of life. I will not only accept, I will do my best to embrace. Because embracing gets you places even when whatever it is, is not something you want to wrap your arms around.
I’d rather not feel like this, and I can try and get out of it, but fighting it rarely works with me. It just gets me more riled up and frustrated. I usually end up in tears and sweating, trying to do too much at once.
It’s like the night before I gave birth. I was out raking leaves and straightening my hair. I was cleaning places in the house that I had never touched before. With a child especially, the cleaning spree you intend to go on, just doesn’t feel as good. Because half the time you have to stop mid-way. Half the time, you finish half the job.
So instead of trying to work through things around the house in a huff, I’ll save it for another day. A day where I’ll feel better about interupptions. A day when cleaning brings me up, instead of down.